You don't love me
you love the idea of me

I loved you
but that was a scary place

You didn't care
you knew you could leave and I would always be there

You blamed me
but there was blame to share

You left me
I left you

I don't know you anymore
I am a monster

You never loved me
you created me into a monster leaving me alone

you said you'd never leave me wondering if you cared
but now I'm alone and scared
I'm losing control
left alone with a broken soul
you said you'd never let me go  
and now these emotions overflow
Then it hit me
you have the key
I stay hidden
living in depression
you consume
I hide in my bedroom
afraid you will leave
while you deceive
I was naive
just leave

I saw you and I couldn't stop staring
my friend came running and you gave me the look
I was scared because the last time I had that look my whole world came crashing down
You make me happy like no other and I'm afraid
I love you and I know I do
It hasn't been long but I know it's you
You came crashing into my life the day I finally said goodbye to him
you are everything I need and everything I want
From the look I knew because I see you stare at me across the room
Your kiss makes me fly
your touch makes me whole
please don't let me go
look at me everyday like you did that first day

crash
the sound off the bowling ball hitting the pins is how it felt when I saw you
The sound of the music was ringing in my ears when my friend brought my phone back with your name and number in my phone
I was hesitant but you make me feel safe
I didn't realize how much I missed you when I had just met you
I found you
you are everything I need
holding your hand I was letting go of everything
When your lips pressed against mine I could breather for the first time
I feel tingles in my body thinking about you
My heart was beating so hard I could hear it over the sound of the bowling pins crashing down
With each kiss you hit down each bowling pin I had set up around my heart until you hit a strike.
You hold my heart in your hands just don't put me in the gutter.

You aren't in my life but I still feel controlled by you
I apologize for things you would get mad at me for but others wouldn't
I still flinch when I get texts saying certain things that shouldn't make me panick
I suppress my feelings and I try to save others because I couldn't save you
I don't know if you're dead or alive
Either way I will never get my questions answered
You clung to me as much as I clinged to you
You took the breath out of me and replaced it with poison
I lost all the people that cared because of what I had done to keep you
I still feel like it's all my fault
It wasn't my fault
You were 17 you took advantage of me with your snake like ways
You slithered your way into my life
You knew I would fall for you.
There was no way out only in
I'm still in a game that you left a long time ago
My life is still scarred by a 13 year olds wish to feel
I just wanted to feel
And trust me I felt
I still feel but not what I wanted
They say careful what you wish for and now the only wish I make is that I was the last that you got a hold of

It started innocent
I was captivated by your smile
I was pulled in by the mere thought of being loved
I thought that if I felt wanted I would be okay
I thought I was okay
I wasn't okay
You pulled me in while you were drowning
How do you expect me to save you if I barely save my self
All wanted was love
Now look what you've done
Are you satisfied with the picture that you've painted with my blood

It was innocent
I saw your face and I remembered how I felt love
I wanted to feel loved again
I missed him
I used you to fill that void that he left
It started with a sip then a glass next thing I know the bottle is gone
It felt like every touch you made my heart race
Like every kiss would last forever until you were drinking everyday
I didn't know the sober you
I lost you I loved you
I want you but you're too far gone

I'm afraid to say I love you because all the love I've ever felt has just hurt
I never was taught how to love
How am I supposed to have stable relationships
I don't know what it means anymore
I know what love feels like
Falling in love after you've been in love is scarier than falling out of love
You never really fall out of love
There will always be the smells the songs the touch that will Always be a part of you
I try to escape my own skin but I can't
I can't forget those nights
Those words
And those feelings
To be loved
To want to be full
But never actually being

Lost in my thoughts again didn't know it would be so soon
calm down it will be alright love close your eyes and fly to a place where they won't find you.  close your eyes don't be afraid I am here spread your wings.... And fly
thought you would be the one
but entered into a place I kept hidden  full of broken pieces I am corrupted  
close your eyes don't be afraid I am here shut the door..... And cry
I am afraid it will end up the same way I love you More than words can explain close your eyes don't be afraid I am here begging you please baby... Don't leave
You shut the door and I am lost
Walking through a world of mirrors reliving the days I tried so desperately to forget
It's my fault
I should have been there
It's my fault I wasn't enough
I tried, I am trying
I'm begging you please forgive me
I'm lost in my thoughts so soon I wanted to forget but I haven't learned yet