late at night
i lay in bed
feelings and all
images in my head
want to forget
keep thinking thoughts
that aren't healthy
on a path to insanity
peace is what i seek
of what i get
mindful
no more regret
painful
i don't want to dwell
in this deep well
of down

fabric i must flee
remove my clothing
and fleece
i'm on the ground
praying to god
holding myself
the anger within
the silence
ignore
so painful
hard to forgive
very hard to forgive

gonna take long time
to feel right again
so this thing i have
i must use it
pour out soul and heart
rip everything apart

don't want to freak out
flashbacks deranged
crazy dog
trapped in a cage
so filled with rage
i cannot explain
how this feels
other than by

flipping a couch
slamming my phone
screaming
crying
holding myself
on the couch

walk into the room
and feel
like i gotta strip
naked to feel
clean
i'm so *****
controlled by emotion
withdrawing from the withdrawal
of the person
who does not love me

Her eyes were as green as the grass she ran across
as she stepped out of the car and began to sprint up to me
her gait was full of hope,
her smile showed every emotion she'd ever felt
all the pain
all the fear
all the coming to Jesus with a prayer.
But as she saw me standing all alone
and the look on my face telling all,
she new that something was terribly wrong.

I told her the news as best as I could
just trying to keep my own composure
When I was done, I managed to ask if she needed to hang around a while
She just whispered "..no.."
She went back to the car and stepped inside
I never saw her wipe a tear
I was half tempted to tell her flat out that she was coming back home with me
but she said "I need to be alone"

That night i went home and went to sleep
a dream awaited me
It was her in a gorgeous white dress,
her pupils had gone dove white.
she said
"Tell momma and daddy i love them,
they're still trying to save me.
Its hopeless, they just can't see.
All the pills they forced down my throat never did help me,
only the love of the one thats now gone."

"Be a good boy, Play "Beautiful Things" at the funeral.
don't let 'em mourn me too long.
They have better things to do than think of me."
I woke up with a start and got the call from the hospital
Her parents said they needed to see me.
When I got there all i did was say good-bye
and wipe the tears from her mother's eyes.

Story goes that she drove over to the town two hundred miles away
No one knew her beautiful face and the hurt it possessed
Its said that she drank more than she had in her whole life
and grabbed the keys before the bartender could ask if she needed a ride
Cops found the car crashed straight into a tree
they said it must have been going 90.
I guess thats what happens when the girl falls in love with the Marine.

As you get older, you come to understand the economics of age.

You go through a cycle you see.

When you were new , you had  energy,
You developed, a state of Growth.
You reached your prime,
Your life was booming, a state of Prosperity.
- You were young

But eventually as time goes by,
Your hair begins to go, a Recession.
You're upset a lot, a Depression.
Your metabolism slows down,
Your stomach, It's bloated,
You're experiencing high levels of inflation.
- You are old.

And finally you understand that  you were just a loan that the world took out from the Banks of Life.
All loans must be repaid.
- You are going to die.

It was as bad as consuming a bucket of onions

Living, breathing, life

Getting up every morning

Taking a shower, getting dressed, getting out the door, and into the world

A break would’ve been pleasant

Being able to sit under the trees

Not worrying about time

Now that, would put my body at ease

Constant rush, increasing pressure

Life is like an on going natural disaster

What are we even after?

Who are we trying to impress?

We as humans are deceitful

We’re our own best friend

Yet our own worst enemy

I want a break

Fresh air

I’m tired of being stuck in despair

Let me lie under the trees and breathe

Completely let go of who I used to be

Can't you see what you have done?
Broken me down and beaten me to the bone.
“No” has become meaningless and pointless.
Your words echo around my brain
where shattered memories lay in waiting.
You've ripped my body completely in half.
Wake up, please wake up.
It’s just another dark day
living in the place commonly known as Hell.
The demons are real and they live inside of me.
I can't fight them off.
As my strength is fading,
I pray to God that he'll just show up.
Can you hear me?
It’ll all be over soon.
Can you hear my heart beating?
Slower,
             slower,
                         stopped.
Can you hear me?
Open your eyes and breathe.
You have taken everything from me.
Listening to them laughing, teasing and cat-calling.
He’s grinning again, insatiable and ludicrous.
It's not over,
will it ever be over?

And so, I bleed,
rivers and streams,
cuts, so deep,
please don't stop me.

I miss you,
I miss a lot.
You love me,
you love me not.

I miss when we ran,
far, far away.
Those cool summer nights,
those endless summer days.

I miss the way
you'd stare into my eyes,
and kiss me softly,
under starlit skies.

I miss our debates,
about politics,
and how we shared ice cream,
lick by lick.

I miss the days we spent,
down by the rivers and streams,
feeding the ducks,
talking about our dreams.

And what I miss most of all,
is how we could just talk,
on those summer days,
when we went for long walks.

But then you left,
said it was time to move on.
And before I could say a thing,
you were gone.

And now, I bleed,
rivers and streams,
cuts, too deep,
please don't stop me.