Skies are cracked
in vivid oranges,
a splash of red
& pinkish hints
explode.

I saw the moon die,
it silently
disappeared
in a sea of azure
below Heaven.

Mica-waves kiss
the shoreline,
a perpetual union
enacted under the
shrieks of the terns
& my sad mind
returns to
my sweet
thoughts of you.

I wish you knew,
it's so comforting
to know darling,
I see the same sun.

You pull on my lip like an aircraft emergency oxygen system.
Our engines catch fire
as our tongues flutter like the wing's peeling metal,
and as our eyes peek at one another
between each plane crash of lips.

We've lost cabin pressure
as we can no longer control our bodies.
We gasp for each other's breath
as our shimmering structures
roll around on the sky of my bed.

We kiss like we've only got seconds left,
when in reality,
these moments will never die
even if we do.

She had natural heat,
an amber furnace
& a sweet fragrance
concocted in Heaven.
Then she disappeared.

I've tried
so many times
to duplicate her,
struggled long
to find the right mix,
only to realize
her lovely-recipe
was made by sacred memory
& seemed gone forever.

O surely,
it must have come
down in the rain.
& now,
only my silent crying
remains,
mixed with
my own pain.

Yet still,
every chance I get,
I look up
to lap the droplets
falling from her storm.

this is not a poem. this is a plea. this is me begging you to hear me when i tell you that i love you. my voice is weak and shaking like the branches of a willow in the wind. my hands are trembling like tremors under the surface of the earth. my vision is so blurred that i can barely focus my eyes as i type. i can feel the impending collapse of my lungs as they are further crushed by the weight of all my anxieties. my strength is fading, but i'm still screaming for you, only you don't seem to hear me. i'm reaching for you but you won't take hold of my hand. i swear to god i'm trying with everything i have to hold you together, but i'm terrified it's not enough. the very thought of your nonexistence consumes me in a fear i have never known. i have never been good at telling people i need them, but i can tell you how vacant this world would be if you left it. everything would change. you can't come in to my life like you did and then just leave it with no warning. you can't do that to me. you can't tell me that you want to marry me and then try to disappear without so much as a goodbye. you just can't. so i don't mean to make you feel guilty, i just need you to understand. don't you know what it would do to me if you left? how many times are you going to almost-die before you realize i will never be the same if you do?

what you need to understand about me is that i am nothing more than misplaced passion and a pair of blindly swinging fists that tremble with unrighteous anger. so allow me to apologize in advance for the fires my subconscious starts. i am a clumsy compilation of ill-suited lines that will never see life in your poetry. at least, not like they used to. you are a book filled with with pictures i never got to take, and every day i am forced to sit idly by while she starts a new roll of film. the missile crisis reincarnate is inside my chest, so forgive me for not being able to control when i shake. forgive me for fumbling with syntax so crassly. i know better than to spew hate and call it poetry. please understand that the endless series of sinking ships in my head makes it difficult to form coherent thought. my thoughts, will **** me, if your absence doesn't first. i think about your hands more than i am proud to admit, and when i picture them reaching for her i feel so sick. i'm sorry. i am so sorry that i haven't yet learned how to moderate the volcano in my throat. i'm so sorry for spitting fire with my eyes closed. forgive me for confusing anger with bravery and burning down too many houses to count. in my misguided thirst for blood i weaponized memories and threw them like daggers in every direction, but the only one being hit is me. i am so tired of bleeding, i am tired of this one-sided war, i am tired of being a war. i tried so hard to be catharsis personified but i have to face the reality that my arms would only hold you like a grave. i loved you like rainwater, and lost you like time. you were never mine. you were never mine. you were never mine. i have to say that to myself every day because it eases the pain of watching you belong to anyone else. but i can't ignore the surplus of "what if's" wreaking havoc in my consciousness. i think that's why i get so angry when i picture you laughing with her instead of me. i am blocking out the memory of the night you told me my laughter could cure your sadness. ******* it. i am trapped in a nightmare where the walls of the home we built are lined with photographs of her. this is why i can't breathe at the thought of her smiling when the flash goes off. they say that nothing good stays; i have never been good at leaving, so i guess that makes sense. you once referred to me as an anxious mess you would spend the rest of your life cleaning up, and i can't get that out of my head. i hope you know, that after everything, i would still sit and collect dust on a shelf in your house forever, if that's what you wanted me to do. but i know it's not, so i'll go back to apologizing. i'm sorry that my rage doesn't have an off switch. i'm sorry for being a literal spitfire. i'm sorry for being an earthquake under her glass slippers. i'm sorry that my mouth is a loaded gun and that i have ****** aim. i swear to god i'm trying not to shoot so often but this is one of the hardest things i have ever done. so until i learn control i will burn in silence with the safety on.  

- m.f.

As you watch your lover leave,
Allow yourself an eye for a
Week upon their character; on
How much remains.

If less than you thought,
You'll know how
Much of it was
You.

We're all
Part
Someone's
Illusion.

you never cared

they say you never stutter to the things you call home, and i was never one to flinch to the sound of broken promises and holocaust

but then i met you

they warn us about the drugs in the streets and dangers of heights but I’ve never been warned that a drug can be a person, and that danger can be in your smile

i took inside me all your pains and we watched them burn within me together, and until today i still cough up ashes of the fire that lived under my skin

so why did we ever bleed the only love we had and covered the wounds in sheets of apathy

i saw even angels getting lost in the seams of your devilish smile

and now all i have left is my torrid burning throat and the walls that never listened

I’ve learned that everything i touch i shatter, too bad I’ve never touched your heart

and you never cared

oh if only i had more say to who my heart decides to love

but no, I’m always left a helpless slave to the pulsing inside my chest

and like athe voices in my head that cant stop screaming your name, i never slept or had enough of you

i craved the blood in your lips and the veins on your arms

i kissed you like i was drowning and you were air

i saw the light in you no matter what

like the dusk of the morning or an after storm

but you never cared

you never cared that i stock around

even when i realized you were more of poison than medicine to me

and i was so addicted to the way you made the hair on my arm prickle and the beat of my heart race

that i loved the toxic that was you

the toxic was killing me

you were killing me

but i never cared