I hate writing these. This will be the third time. This will be the last time. Summer, My dear summer. I know things got messed up bad. I know I was at the center of it all. Now people say I don't care about you. About your happiness. That all I do is try and manipulate you. That I have always just tried to use you. That I never loved you. This hurts me more then you could ever know.  I know this is going to be long. I need to say it tho and I need to say it right.

We have been together as friends for as long as I could remember. its now been 5 years I known you. You where 14 and your Dad had just died recently. You where there, in Gypsys room. She brought me there to meet this family. There was you and Lexi. And you where shy at first. I didn't really know what to say.  You where scared. Scared of most men for good reason. But after a while you came and you pounced on me and cuddled me. This is where it all began. Do you remember?

You where so sweet and so innocent and so wonderfully helpless. It didn't take long to love you. And I don't think it took long for you to love me. I would come online and I would count 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. and there you where calling me to spend time with you. You where family. You where my friend. You where so amazing. At that time I was in a dark place. And so where you. I was full of anger and I was cold. But when I saw you smiling that all melted away. The only time I was angry around you is where I was watching people be mean to this girl with a huge heart.

But years past and things changed. Things grew. Friends came friends went. I was there night after night talking to you. Picking you up when you where broken. I was there when you smiled and I was there when you cried. When you where broken and all you could do was cry and begged for death I was there. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. And tho it killed us. We survived. And I may not be proud of my self for much but if its true you survived because of me I am proud I saved an amazing soul. The world is a better place with you in it.

I have had the privilege of watching you grow. And when you became older and more matured so did our feelings. Some if not every one thinks that's a line we shouldn't have crossed. I could not help it. And neither could you. But I did fall in love with you and I know you did love me. We became more. Some thing I never knew two people really could be. I am glad I could find that in you. Thank you for loving me. For making me feel like I was worth it. You Are such a big part of my heart and I know it hurts like hell to have the person who made such a big impact and who has such a big part of it to not be there. But it is what it is.

I know I have not been perfect. I know I made a lot of mistakes over the years. You say I am human, that I need to let my self forgive my self. I know your right but when you hurt some one you care about deeply it slowly eats you alive. I remember the day Gypsy said I hurt you. That I made you hurt your self for what I did... I was in a dark place.. I was thinking of destroying my self when you came back. Now I am being told all I do is hurt you. That all I do is damage you. That I made you feel like you where not good enough. That you felt like I piece of meat, Summer I am sorry I am sorry for all the times I hurt you and made you feel like less.  I wanted you to feel like a queen, an angel like the drop of sunshine.

You are beautiful. You really are. You have the biggest blue eyes and the most wonderful smile and when you got butterfly's and how your cheeks would burn. I would count and tell you when I hit 1 you would smile and you would beg me to stop. I wanted to see you smile. I wanted to make you happy because when you where happy nothing else seemed to matter. Please be happy again babe. Like that. Like how you would get all excited I would sit up late at night and write you long winded letters to you telling you how I feel. Because you made me feel so much when all I knew before was pain. Thank you for that. Thank you for giving me some thing good. Some thing to remember.

I hope in the years to come I left you with some thing good to remember. I hope some thing I did mattered to you. I know I taught you to fight and I tried to show you how to be like ice like me and just shake it off. Maybe I finally succeeded. But I hope you have some thing better. Some thing good.  I wish I could have done more, had more time to share things with you. I wanted to take you to art classes coz I know how you loved to watch me draw and how hard you where on your self. I wish we could have gone swimming under the moon light like you wanted. And even tho there are so many things left undone I hope I pray I left you with some thing good. Some thing to hold on to and be proud of. A happy memory. A story or a song.

I know I am braking a lot of promises I made to you. I promised I would always be there. I promised to keep fighting for you. I promised I would always do my best and to never loose sight of you and to not let you be the one who got away. You made me promise these things to you. You did. I know I can't. I can't hold you back I can't try and keep you. You have things you need to do. You have your family there and tho I was going to move there to be with you I know that I could never be a part of that. I promise tho. I don't hate you. I never could. I promise that I will always keep a little bit of your love forever in my heart and I promise even tho life is not the way we planned it last year I promise I will do my best to be the best I can and try to be happy.

Summer, I took you under my wing. I cradled you and I put you back together after all the pain you had been put through. That is how I know you inside and out. That is why I know you when no one else seems to. You always said I gave you a bit of my soul to fix your own. I could not have given it to any one better. I know you will make me proud. You do make me proud baby girl. You came so far and your going to be a nurse. Your going to be making other people so much better. I am proud of you. But for you to do that I need to let you out from under my wing. I need to let you fly away. So fly baby. Fly as high as you can and never look back. Sing your heart out and be the good woman I have watched you grow in to. I will not be there to catch you tho, and you need to learn to pick your self up when you fall. I know you can. I know you don't need me to do that any more. You are strong. And I know your brave and you have teeth to fight with. I know, I have seen it. I have felt it from time to time. I know you are going to be ok.

If you ever get lonely my spirit is with you. And you always miss me remember.. what was it you said, we are under the same sky.. or was it stars. And one day when the day comes and I am dust in the wind I will look down on you and smile. Who knows maybe in the next life we will find each other again, maybe we can do it right.

I may not be able to hold you like I wanted to do with my own arms. I may not ever look at you with my own eyes. I wish it wasn't that way. I could have held you and shown every one that I truly do care for you. And tho we need to say goodbye I remember we always said forever and for always.

I will miss you. You where such an important part of me I know you will make me and every one around you proud.

Good bye my little fox you will be missed
Forever and for always
Danny

There is this little fox I found. Dying and hurt. Ripped to bits bleeding out. I saved the poor little thing. Picked it up and pampered it. Stitched it up. Gave it love and attention and fed it. Watched it grow. Then one day it ran away. Sadly it was gone. I cared about her she was my friend. Now this is the tragic bit. It comes back scratching at my door. Some times scared some times hurt and in pain. I try to pick it up and I will take care of it. Poor thing. More then any thing I hate seeing her suffer. Then with out warning she will rip in to my hand drawing blood. Does she forget I was there for her. Does she not care after she gets what she wants. She races off leaving me bloodied. But yet she comes back scratching at that door. Crying. I miss you. And I care but honestly after all I did and all we went through I wish I could open that door.. but I know it meant some thing to me. I'm sorry I could not make it all better little fox. I feel like I failed you.