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Raja Smith Nov 2017
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I really believed you loved me. The hugs you gave could repair the broken.
I didn't know they were coated in deception,
waiting to ****** my hopes and dreams.
Raja Smith Feb 2017
A drop in the bucket
Just another ounce of pain
Sometimes it's a drizzle
Sometimes it's heavy rain

I try to block these days
Whenever they come about
But you can't fight the storm
Just stay and wait it out

So I shut myself off
And stay in my bed
Until the monsters stop saying
You're better off dead

Another day wasted
Stuck in my head
Hopefully tomorrow is better
And not full of dread

The hardest part
Of staying in seclusion
Is watching your loved ones faces
Pained with worry and confusion

But the storm clouds do pass
And when I see the light
I do anything, everything
To make things right

I know the winds keep howling
And the cold just won't cease
But winter can't last forever
And spring means peace

I miss the sun and it's warmth
I miss hope and spring
The flowers give me joy
As the birds softly sing

As the grass grows back
As the trees aren't so bare
I hope to see happiness
And others who care

For anyone else
Who struggles like me
Please hold on to tomorrow
It will be better, you'll see
Raja Smith Jan 2017
Alimere

The name rolls off my tongue
Like a secret I can't keep
I hold you close
As I fall asleep

Alimere

You slip into my dreams
Lace skirts twirl in moonlight
You captivate me
But escape by sunlight

Alimere*

The future whispers
And I long for the day
Speak again my love,
I beckon you to stay
Raja Smith Jun 2017
The vowels chime for you in way I can't stop.
Searching new ways to find your heart.
Your heart beat against mine,
Your hair cascading upon my face.
So many memories I cannot erase.
And then I realized I was dancing with the devil;
So delicious to tango in sin
I desire each twirl and spin.
And as the flames grow higher
You fuel my desire.
One more spin could wreak havoc
A chaos I long for
To see your stubborn soul
Finally beg for more
Raja Smith Apr 2018
Do you to know what its like to feel the touch of an angel?
Do you know what its like to feel the warmth from a halo?

Do you know what its like to feel you near me?
I know you're gone, but you can hear me.

Every day I am blessed to feel you by my side.
Every day I'm thankful for this crazy wild ride.

Because you started my journey,
And made me soar like a bird.
To fortunes and dreams already foretold.

The blessings that came from your presence here,
Lead me down a path I hold so dear.

I thank you each day for your guiding light
I am grateful each dream I see you at night.

I love you a lot don't you ever forget
But I'll repeat it out loud and always say it.
Raja Smith Mar 2017
You never know where to begin,
How to say whats on the heart.
Just grab a paintbrush or a pencil
And somehow create art.
You don't know what to do
But you just have to start.
Before you know it
Feelings are on the page.
And some how you let go
Of the suffering or the rage.
Some how your focus
Takes center stage.
As you create the words,
And the pictures come to life;
Suddenly you release
Whatever is causing you strife.
Some how you find peace
Instead of finding a knife.
Raja Smith Dec 2017
Bipolar disorder

There's sunshine today
But I feel clouds.
There's hope in my heart
But my mind sees shrouds.
There's energy in my limbs
But I feel so much pain.
There's momentum in my soul
But I can't gain.

There are two kids
Who need me.
Some days
I can't even be mommy.
There's a lover at the door
Who says he will fight for me
But a future together
We can't always see.

Try and try,
Together we fight.
Try and try again
With all our might.
Together we fail
Together we fall
But again we try
To give it our all.

Bipolar steals my days
But I can't let it win.
Some days I have no choice
But just let it in.
One day I'll conquer
One day at a time.
I do what it takes
To keep me alive.

Every day I tell myself;
A future for my family
I pray to the heavens
To just let it be.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
I've got black girl magic
Or so they say.
I wouldn't have it
Any other way.
My hair is thick and curly,
Some say it's a mess.
Hair like this is versatile,
Making it the best.
My lips are too big?
I think you mean plump;
They are meant to match
My hips, thighs, and ****.
I like country music,
Stereotypes don't define me.
From society's box,
We're taught to break free.
We come in many shades,
Shapes, and sizes.
Black girl magic;
Each one rises.

For every black girl out there,
From me to you
Keep shining bright
Stay happy, stay true.

And if you aren't a black girl,
Find the magic in your heart.
Its the differences in people
That turn love to art.
Raja Smith Nov 2017
Broken hearts
That shatter beyond repair.

The look in a child's eye
Daddy's gone with despair.

Mommy's tears
Flow fast and free.

So much of Mommy
You should never see.

Pain and anguish
She cannot slow.

But try as she might
The pain does show.

Another bad day.
Another bad fight.

My poor baby
Cries at night.

Hold on little boy
Mommy will be ok.

I will show you
A promise for a better day.

Daddy isn't here.
He loves you though.

One day it'll be better,
When you're older and grow.

Until then
Please hear me.

It'll get better
Just wait and see.
Raja Smith May 2017
I was reading Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul part 3;
It gave me chills and made me think
How much you mean to me.

I tried to find new words for you
But they all hit the floor;
I've said them til I was blue,
You know I love you more

Back and forth I go, with love and hate and anger.
I keep my heart on hanging strings and now it is in danger.

I wait for you to cut the cord and finally set me free,
Because you say there's nothing here and we will never be.

And then you turn around and miss my stupid face.
And I am certain there's a friendship no one else can replace.

So I sit and dangle for you, waiting for a sign.
I have wanted you for ages, just to be mine.

Ages I have waited and ages I will wait
I think one day you will see this is just our fate.

We started off together, a decade has now passed
But I think another one I could wait and just maybe last.

I know it sounds unreasonable to wait around for love
But I want you like nothing else I can dream of.

And so with hate and anger, passion and hope,
I pray you come around, and I cling tighter to desperation rope.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
I have searched high and low
But theres nothing to find,
Compared to what we have
And the feelings that bind.
You wrap an arm around me,
And I melt into you;
And yet you deny
This passion is true.
And so I sit past
Midnight's truth
Remembering the last
Days of our youth.
And there you lay,
Long hair covering your face
And I am a stranger
In this distant place.
But here I am,
Willing and pleading
And yet you deny
My heart that is bleeding.
Raja Smith May 2019
Its long overdue.
Its always been true.
My first lover
My worst habit.
Time to get over you.

You forgot about me years ago it seems.
I stuck around pulling at my seams.
Goodbye is enviteable;
I already know.
I just couldn't find the strength to let you go.
Raja Smith Apr 2018
You came down from heaven
And held me in my bed.
You took me in your arms
And put amazing thoughts in my head.
You told me you loved me
You love your daughter too.
I know all the words we shared last night
Were meaningful and true.
I just wish you were still here,
In my heart you're never gone.
But a piece of me still feels
So broken and torn.
I miss you every day
I miss the love we shared,
Even if it wasn't perfect
I always knew you cared.
You watch over us every day
And I love the nights you visit.
I was blessed to feel your presence
I just wish she didn't miss it.
I wish your daughter knew you better
Because you were something great.
A little crazy, a little broken
But truly the best part of my fate.
Thank you again for every thing
The time that we did share.
I will teach your daughter about you
Every day, every year, we will always care.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
Hands in his,
She looked down and smiled,
"Be mine?" she asked

He ****** his hips into hers
"Already am," he smiled back.
He flipped her,
Digging his hips
Deeper into hers.

She moaned his name
And leaned in to kiss him.
A hand to her throat stopped her.

Then it slid behind her neck
And pulled her in for
The kiss she longed for.

Forever, she had waited
For this moment
For that kiss
For those words

He was *Her's
Raja Smith Jan 2017
And she hated it;
Absolutely with uncertain doubt
Terribly, truly, indeed hated;
How he could make her smile
While she was crying over him.
Just the thought of him.
But never his presence.
It was always the lack there of.
She would lay awake thinking of him;
Laughing at herself for being stupid,
And crying for falling so stupidly.
All the while telling him
She didn't care at all.
Raja Smith May 2017
Is this how
My story ends?
Falling in love
With the same ol friends?
Where does happiness
Find time for me?
When will fate
Finally let me be?

I'm tired of chasing
After whats not to be mine.
Tired of lying
And saying "It's fine,".
Yet I am alone
And its not so well,
To sit in my thoughts
Is a personal hell.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
The best lie we say is I'm ok
And then try to drink the pain away.
But like a bullet in the back
It stops you right in your tracks.
Because the fact still remains
I will never shake this pain.
A friend couldn't compare
To the sister I held so dear,
But yet the pain it doesn't slow;
It continues to grow and grow.
And so I sit and drink a beer,
Because life will never be the same without her here.
I see your signs, you say hello.
But I wish you didn't have to go,
I know that you still care.
But don't you know I need you here?
Until I see you again,
I'm ok is just pretend.
Raja Smith Dec 2017
I tried to love you
With everything I had
But with every howl of the wind
Things seemed to turn out bad.

And with every mornings frost
You seemed to vanish in the sun
And after all my trying
I realized we are done.

And as the weather warms
And spring draws near
I hope to goodness
I won't need you, dear.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
She looked at him hopefully,
He looked down with a smile,
"Maybe it could work
For a little while
."
She tried to play it cool,
But she felt a tear;
11 years she waited
To finally hear:
Whatever made him change,
She finally had her chance,
A stupid boy,
And a long distance romance.
To him, she was weird,
To her, he was everything;
After all this time
Rewarded for her waiting.

**But the sunlight crept in,
And the truth did too.
Again she was dreaming,
As the lovestruck do.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
Midnight rolls in
And I'm missing you again.
How is it I'm still
Nothing more than a friend?

You are all I want
And always on my mind.
Yet I can't figure why
When you aren't even kind.

Your silence speaks volumes
To the broken heart in my chest.
And yet still I can't
Just give "us" a rest.

So in silence I sit,
My heart on the page
As the tears fall
In silent rage.

I wish it would stop,
Because you don't care.
You kiss me passionately
And yet its so clear.

I mean nothing,
I am just a *****
And you will never desire
Me as more.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
"Love doesn't find you at your best,
It finds you in your mess."
A fact I know is true
Because that's when I found you.

At the brink of self destruction,
You came prepared for reconstruction.
Looking at the broken pieces
You kissed at the seams and creases.

Every message, every word
Gave me hope I never heard.
Every truth said to my heart
Gave me inspiration to create art.

And now I smile with arms open wide,
It's your scars you try to hide.
But love doesn't flee or stray,
Insecurity will not chase me away.

You search and search for who you are,
Afraid of every flaw and scar,
But all I see is amazing light,
A fire in my heart that burns so bright.

If distance can't put our love to the test,
We can rise above the rest.
And as you search and change and grow,
I will be here and you will know;

Being strange is your greatest feature,
You are a beautiful, unique, amazing creature.
If you feel a mess that's fine,
I'll still do whatever to make you mine.

One day our love will take flight,
Our broken pieces spooned tight.
I'll love you forever if you'll have me.
I love you for you, you're my Sophie.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
I don't understand why people hide their flaws, like hiding the truth is an internal law. But I show mine off proudly and tell the truth too loudly. Because these scars are apart of me; I show them off so you can see. I wear scars like tattoos all over me. And it's real when they say the truth will set you free. These scars are too tough for you to reopen. I try to hide em and find myself chokin, because honesty is the remedy. And truth is we're all pretty broken; so hiding em isn't a valuable token. It's like playing a game you'll never win, hiding from the light is just pretend. Everything comes out eventually, so why bother showing something you'll never be? Decorate those scars with the highs and the lows, and when you're true to yourself honesty just flows.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
And she realized;
Not all love was meant to last. Sometimes it was more like two trains passing in the night. Breaking into your dreams much like the sudden burst of screeching wheels. And for a short moment halted together and then gone without a trace.
At least; that was the only kind of love she'd ever known.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
Maybe it was the only kind of love she'd ever known; taking the night train and boarding alone. To see his face in the pouring rain, somehow eased up all her pain. The words he said rang in her head, but nonetheless he took her to bed. The way he made her clothes hit the floor, made her feel like there was nothing more. But as the night faded, in his arms she stayed. And everthing made it perfect, the sadness delayed. As the sun came up, as she said goodbye, "I hate you," she whispered, her usual lie. She knew she'd be back, knocking on his door. For the pain and the passion, there was no cure.
Raja Smith Jun 2017
Nostalgia

The word rings true;
"The pain from an old wound"
Nostalgia; every photo
I see of you.

You both left too soon,
If I could bring you back...
The words repeat in my head
Like a skipping track.

Far away for far too long
And always out of touch,
Can my words reach you in heaven?
I miss you both so much

If you can see your daughter now
I hope you are proud.
I know she's a feisty one
But her future roars so loud.

I thank you every day for the gift she is,
She gets so much from you
I just wish I could see your eyes:
So bright and baby blue.

My little mermaid,
My baby sis...
Are there any words
For how much time we've missed?

Every day that passes
I want you here to call
I hope you know
I'll always love you with my all

For Aaron and Ariel
Gone and treasured
Never forgotten and truly missed
For my daughter's father
For his sister who was my best friend and sister
Raja Smith Apr 2017
They say goodbye is the hard part,
Yet hello was too.
At least it was for me
Because it never happened to you.

You see,
When we met
I easily fell.
And ever since
I've been trapped in hell.

I love you
In too many words,
I've said it in too many rhymes,
Repeating to death ears
Half a million times.

The problem lies in you;
You see me as nothing.
I lack the courage to ask why.
I lack the strength to say goodbye.
After each failed attempt,
I sit and cry and try.

I wish I could go back
And stop it from the start
Or maybe I wish you had a heart,
Somehow you manage
To rip mine apart.

So another stupid poem
About your stupid face
I'm just another stupid girl
Just a waste of space
Raja Smith Jan 2017
It truly devastates me
How you walk by but cannot see
The person you created
The daughter you've never hated
Now a darkness in your heart
A family you've torn apart
A joyful spirit now a hollow shell
You drug along the ride of self created hell
I hope your pain never passes
I hope sorrow crashes
Through every seam and inch of you
For neglecting the child whose love was true
Raja Smith Jul 2017
Tell me there isn't more
Then just what we share.
Even if it's a lie
Tell me you don't care.

Take this curse
And set me free
Tell me I'm crazy
And we'll never be.

You know how I feel;
Hanging on by a thread
Do you know how it feels
When you're stuck in my head?
Raja Smith Apr 2017
You should paint
And sleep
She says to herself
As she lays there
And weeps

Because he doesn't care
He never has at all

How could you be so
stupid
Why did I ever fall?

But it's too late to look back
He owns all of her heart
She's tried to love others
But it just fell apart

Now she lays there in
pieces
And stares at the page
She tries to feel something
Besides *pain
, maybe rage

Because he doesn't care
And it rips her apart
To give him everything
And completely lose her own *heart
Raja Smith Dec 2017
Rise above the anger
Rise above the pain
Rise above the storm clouds
That bring so much rain.

Rise above the tears
Rise above the sorrow
Rise up and you'll see
There's a better tomorrow.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
Sally said it best
When she sang that pretty song
A girl could try forever
And always get it wrong

"For it is never to become,
For I am not the one"


But why is it?
Brought together by fate,
And yet still
We don't "date"?

A ball of string,
A kitten with yarn;
I am your plaything
And yet you mean no harm.

It should've ended years ago
And yet I can't walk away,
I just sit and hope;
I long for the day.
One day maybe I'll be yours,
You'll ask me to stay.

Stupid Girl

That's all I'll ever be,
Wrapped around your finger,
Until you're done with me
Raja Smith Jun 2019
Set Free

I begged.
I cried.
I stayed.
I tried.

13 years
I hoped.
I longed.
For your love for me.
A place to belong.

Finally Free

After what you said to me
How much you love another
After taking advantage of me.

Your lips on mine.
Your hips ****** to me.
All of it was just your sick thrill.
We still won't ever be.

******* fool.
You had so many chances.
But not as many as I had to walk away.
So 13 years and you and all the stupid poems for you
In the past they can stay.
*language*
Raja Smith Mar 2017
I'm sorry sweetness
For turning away,
For shutting you out
When I needed you to stay.
I searched so hard
With no words to say.
But here you are
Waiting another day.

And tomorrow may bring
Another round of clouds,
Just more thunder,
Just dark shrouds,
You silently wait
While the chaos gets loud.

When its finally over,
As I let down my wall,
You are there to hold me
As the tears fall.
And I know that it matters,
I need you most of all.

You hold me close
And keep me near,
Even though sometimes
I forget you're there.
You come back to remind me
You truly do care.

I'm sorry I forgot
How special you are.
How much that you mean,
No matter how far.
Like a guiding angel,
My sweet shooting star.

I know it gets better,
That must be true.
I wouldn't believe it
If I didn't have you.
I hope you don't forget,
I'm here for you too.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
It's 2am and here I sit.
From my fingers the colors drip.
Sleep was peaceful,
I easily fell.
The nightmares last forever,
Inescapable hell.
When I finally arise
To feel the tears pour from my eyes,
There's no way to make it right.
So I stay up all night.
Whether it's poems, painting, coloring;
It's the only way to set me free.
For the demons I cannot face,
The love they need I cannot replace.
I try to create beauty
To replace joy stolen from me.
But the pain doesn't ever slow
So deeper into madness I must go.
Words find the colors, the pencils too,
Trying to find my pretty pieces to display them to **you.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
She says I'm black and white,
I must say she's right.
He says I'm hard as stone,
The truth is clearly shown.

Yet the picture that you've painted
I have always truly hated.
It takes away beauty, my light
Clips the wings of a heart in flight.

The colors in my art
Show there's something in my heart.
A spirit that wants to fly free,
And that is who I must be.

I will make the world my own
A light long hidden, rarely shown.
Of black and white, and rock in hand,
I'll paint the cage and make a stand.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
It's my birthday
And I don't care.
I sit here alone
Fighting off despair.
The one thing I wanted
I just can't ask,
For this birthday
To be my last.
Raja Smith Apr 2018
"I know what you're thinking,"
She said with a grin,
"Not every story has
A happy ending."




"Once upon a time
Two children traveled
Apart at first,
Then a story unraveled.

He went by car
As gypsies often do.
State by state
Not knowing where to.

She traveled not as often,
Every few years.
Fate kept them apart
And yet some how near.

Destiny would have it,
They would finally land;
In the same place
But with a very bad plan.

They met in a courtyard
Decaying but sweet;
Here is where kids
Became lovers to meet.

Fate played tricks
That made them fall away;
And some years passed
Before they saw another day.

And life went on
That sad "come & go"
To repeat together and apart
But she didn't know.

She couldn't see the future,
But she can see the past.
They never had something
That was meant to last.

They had a marriage,
A daughter, a son,
But he was no husband or father,
Just a gypsy boy on the run.

Off into the wind,
He came as he pleased,
Sometimes with lies of love;
Fate always teased.

Destiny frowned with
A heart of despair,
Further away they drifted
Yet always so near.

They didn't rekindle,
The children did grow
Without a father
To love or to know.

Three hearts went on
And found love of their own
Because Mom made the broken house
And loving, happy home."



"That's how it ends.
I warned you," she smiled.
"Real happy endings
Only come once and a while."
* Hello, Hello Poetry readers.
After seeing my poem trending I'd like to add some explanations to this.

- two children traveled -
As children, my now soon to be ex husband and I both moved a lot. We didn't know each other of course. But our families always seemed to move around the same time to the same states. From our parents growing up up North and moving as south as Florida; only return to our child hood homes of Maryland where we met. *note, I do find it fascinating he really is of gypsy descent.

- I think our story is destined. The back story of two children is too complicated and personal for this page. But after knowing him 14 years and 6 years of nothing but a tragedy of a marriage; fate has plans that do not hold happiness with him. He comes in and goes as he's pleased over the years.

The best possible note;
No matter how hard the separation has been on the children and I, we always find a way to go on. Finally we've found happiness in our broken family. And maybe, just maybe, he really isn't coming back.
Raja Smith May 2019
The pain aches.
The tears drip.
The heart breaks.
The seams rip.

In its place
A darkeness blooms
Of my longing for
More memories with you.

And yet I find
As my heart breaks,
You should leave
For my health's sake.

I never thought I'd see the day
That you and I would part.
Now it's the only way
To save my barely beating heart.
Raja Smith Apr 2017
I am tired
Of repeating myself.
Take my words,
Put them on a shelf.
Stop the feelings,
Stop the beat in my chest.
Time to give
My lungs a rest.
Shut my eyes,
Let them be still.
And see what is
Tomorrow's will.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
There's a girl that I adore
Born a boy, but not quite sure.
Mostly female, a very good friend
Who I love until the end.

Am I straight, or bi, or gay?
Love is love either way.
I do not mind who you are,
The problem is you are too far!

It's the sea that keeps us apart,
But you are close inside my heart.
Maybe one day you'll be by my side,
I'll be your groom if you'll be my bride.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
We didn't fall for a smile,
A body, or a face.
We fell for each other's words
And connected with grace.
Friends for many years,
Yet we didn't see
How much we intertwined,
How great we could be.
Its not about genders
Or bodies that touch,
Its the care in each message
That means so very much.
Transcend the odds that say
We can't be together,
I'd cross the ocean
To hold you forever.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
Broken pieces of my heart,
Dark, scarred and battered.
You look for treasure there
As if none of it mattered.
Some how you see beauty
In what was flawed and tattered.

Long before we were friends,
But didn't have a clue
That we fit perfectly together
But now nothing is more true.
Yet some how in your heart you wonder
How could I fall for you.

It isn't because you fixed me,
Or just because you care.
It's not because I looked around
And no one else was there.
To say I love you out of debt
Couldn't even compare.

Yes you're flawed and damaged,
In similar, yet different ways than me.
When you opened up your heart
I saw a rare beauty.
I see a love that can grow
Pain and damage free.

Nothing in this world
Could ever try to match
A person as unique as you,
A once in a lifetime only catch.
To make you mine forever
Is a plan I try and try to hatch.

So as time goes on,
If you're ever unsure
That my mended pieces
Will head for the door,
Look into my eyes and heart
That love you more and more.
you
Raja Smith Jul 2017
you
You are the habit
I can't seem to shake.
The same thing
That makes my heart break.
The one thing
I call a mistake;
You.

— The End —