the world’s so unpredictable
so different, difficult and uncomfortable often
that I wish everyone were like me
just like me, or better still, exactly like me…
you’ll see, this is the only solution, logically –
beyond the shadow of a doubt, as many are inclined to say,
which expression in itself I find so inconvenient …

you see
because you and you and you are not like me
it all becomes such a waste
with all the negotiation and adjustments
and time spent and funds depleted
in persuasion and information campaigns

but just imagine:
if everybody were like me
and I had to attend a meeting
and of course everybody had to attend the meeting
how convenient and efficient  and quick that would be
cos it’s all just
me, me, me and me
and yet more me, me, me, me and me…
Indeed need we hold meetings at all?
since it’s all me? Just me?
Cos if you are me, and everyone else is me
in my Brave New Me World,
all me know what each me thinks
and wants, than we need not meet me
and one me wherever one is can initiate,
conduct and finish the me meeting…
You get me?

and think of it on a national scale too…
if everyone were like me,
exactly like me –
so that all we have is
me, me, me and me
and yet more me, me, me, me –
imagine the nation in all its simplicity and convenience;
there’d be no need to argue with me
because me agrees with me
and me is one religion, me is one will, one thought,
one language (gibberish, but still one language)
and everything in the nation
will just have to be planned for me.
Simple:
satisfy me and satisfy all
for it’s all me…
for me is the Nation

I leave it to you
to think more of this Me Nation
(or do you need some animation?)

And that silly United Nations -
do you think if everyone were like me
or better still exactly like me,
do we need to have all these delegates and dignitaries flying around
(and sometimes shoes flying too)
and eating half the UN funds in dinners and perks and sightseeing?
Oh, think about it –
if everyone were like me
just as in the Me Nation
you won’t have all this waste in Me UN…
You don’t even need the UN;
just Me is enough
the Me UN…


And what about the world?
have you thought about it?
with me all over the world
and if everyone in the world
were me, me, me, and me and me –
you know, a Chinese me, and an Indian me,
an American me, a Russian me
black me, white me, Christian me, Muslim me, Hindu me,
or atheist me - whatever me is, all is -
and so on
native me and foreign me
just me, me , me, me, me
(Oh, I just love this me!)
everywhere me
and then if I were the President of the world
which I will surely be
cos every me will choose me
cos everyone will want me to be the President
and with President Me
no one will disagree
and there’s no waste
and the word will be so pleasant –
cos I’m no *******
(will me want to hurt me?)
And everything will be so easily arranged
and every me will be in a happy world society
as me is the best me to become every me
One me will be the same as me
and me happy is all happy
And President Me need not worry about
Opinion Polls and votes and what the people want
and President Me need not give lies
and Me People need not listen to ****
cos it’s all just me,
me, and me -
and as if I don’t know what I think,
and what I want, and as if I’d want to kick my own ****
and so it’ll be a Presidency where everyone will be happy
because all things are made for me and planned the way for me
and it’ll be a perpetual everlasting Presidency
for with everyone like me, everyone being me
it’ll be always me coming
new generations or old or dying or single moms and dads
always
me, me, me and more and more me, me, me, me
for perpetuity

and so how about you, what do you think?
Wouldn’t it be all more efficient
and the world a better place
if everyone were like me?
No, no…I don’t mean like you!
Not like you, but like me, me, me,
me, me, me, me…
What do me think?
But since you are like me, you are me
I don’t need to know what you think
*Me no need to know what me thinks…

The family bought the lie-catcher robot
(yep, the lcr HDX134)
and it was the boy
who was caught first
when his dad asked him
where he'd been all day
and he replied:
"I've been at the library all day, dad"
lcr HDX134 slapped the boy

The dad went berserk
and he said to his son:
"When I was your age, Tim -
I never told a lie!"
lcr HDX134 slapped the dad

And the boy's mom said:
"Don't be too harsh on Tim -
he's bound to tell lies;
after all, he's your son"
lcr HDX134  slapped the mom

1)
at dinner
the kid asks Dad:
“Dad, do caterpillars
taste good to eat?”
“Be quiet,” says Dad
“I’ve told you many times
never talk crude”
“Yeah, Jason,” interjects
Dad’s darling little girl
“Never talk crude”

“Yeah, but I only asked cos
I just saw Dad eat
his salad
and the wriggling caterpillar;
and Dad even licked his lips
straight after”

Dad orders the kid
straight up to bed –
and not to come down
till morning


2)
Seconds later
Jason hollers
from upstairs:
“Dad, can you bring me
a glass of water?”

Dad screams:
“Shut up and sleep!”

A minute later
Jason hollers again:
“Dad, can you bring me
a glass of water?”

“One more word from you,”
screams Dad
“and I’ll come up there
and spank you!”


And swift comes Jason’s reply:
*“Dad, when you come up to spank me
can you bring me a glass of water?”

"why don't you,"
said the Lofty Man
warily considering me,
"sing of the Sublime
the Grand, The Divine?
Sing you of the Uncommon
the Mystery
of the Spiritual, the Religious
of the Incomprehensible -
why don't you?"

"Cos,"* I said,
pushing the toothpick
between my teeth
(the ****** food bits always get stuck in between),
"I've been  
to the mountain top there
and I've seen the Sublime
is just O so, so Common
so battered Trivial"
(Then I spat out the food bits -
O it was Divine Bliss, just like in post-******)

sing a song of nonsense
of absolute lack of sense
for people who are
so, so important and busy
they have no time to waste



he he ha ha
moo moo
moo moo
ma ma
ma ma
da di dum dum


the tree spreads out its arms
and birds come to rest
on the ground;
‘what do you think I am?’
sneers the tree
‘your daddy or mummy
to give you shelter
on hot days?’
and flicks the birds off
with its roots and branches


he he ha ha
moo moo
moo moo
ma ma
ma ma
da di dum dum



the fish come to the hooks
under water
and they flick it up over
with their immense tails;
and the hooks land on the fishermen’s
smooth bald heads
and the fish sing together:
‘Put those hooks up in your noses
and go home to your wives
and tell them
the fish gave you nose-rings
to celebrate this Glorious Day of Hooks’



he he ha ha
moo moo
moo moo
ma ma
ma ma
da di dum dum



under the oceans
Shark got married to Giant Octopus
and on their wedding night
Giant Octopus said:
‘Come baby,
come on in to my embrace’



he he ha ha
moo moo
moo moo
ma ma
ma ma
da di dum dum




and the earthworms
peeped out of the earth
and said:
‘My, how boring the world is up here…’
and the ostrich buried its head under ground
and said: ‘The darkness is vast;
It is infinite…’



he he ha ha
moo moo
moo moo
ma ma
ma ma
da di dum dum





sing a song of nonsense
of absolute lack of sense
for people who are
so, so important and busy
they have no time to waste

together now
let us sing
the song of inanity
the song of no meaning
it is the song of the no-light
the song of the ludicrous
the ludicrous become meaning
meaning become ludicrous
This become that
That become this
ding! ding! ding! ding!
ping! ping! ping! ping!
everything has penetrated its opposite
and the world become beastly
no beginning, no end
no origins
let us sing now
the world topsy-turvy
the brain in a soup,
the mind’s one word: baa-baa-baa
you sing one line
the other another
and then all together
the song of bad breath and yawns
ding! ding! ding! ding!
ping! ping! ping! ping!
we see King Lear walking
naked in the plains
and we have the Imposter
with his heavy **** on the Throne
which is a Toilet with automated cistern
let us sing then
not then, but now
together now
let us sing
the song of inanity
the song of no meaning
it is the song of the no-light
the song of the ludicrous
the ludicrous become meaning
*ding! ding! ding! ding!
ping! ping! ping! ping!

I am so blessed you know
all my blessed life it's been so
I'm OK, my family is OK
God's chosen to bless me and mine
according to the Law of I Choose Who

I'm so blessed easy and cool:
like the other day, you know,
my neighbour was mocking me
(in spite of my perfect features)
and he was laughing as he crossed the streets
and a car knocked him down at Walk Street -
ha, God flattens mine enemies!

It is a life full of blessings you know -
there are people out there dying of hunger
and bloated tummies and explosions
and Ebola and such
but my family and I God has continued to protect
I am so blessed, I know -
it is a just God
(I am convinced)
who watches over me
Open your hearts
and blessings will pour
on you and your tribes too
There's the law of probability
and the sweep of randomness
- but hey, it's pleasing to know
me and mine are magnificently blessed

*How smooth and easy it is
I can smile at the world in peace and self-satisfaction

the Wise Man is followed
by many, from near and from afar;
and see, the Wise Man stops now
at the dumplings store
and buys some dumplings
and waits for his change;
but the vendor simply resumes
at making more money

“So where’s my change,
my good man?” says the Wise Man
who is followed
by many, from near and from afar

And the vendor he replies:
*“Change, O Wise Leader of Many Followers,
as you have often said,
comes from within”

I bring plenty and abundance;
I bring beauty and well-being
I bring that which is wholesome
and I bring that which is good for all of mankind
and I bring goodwill to all nations
and all peoples of the world

may all countries be at peace;
may all the people of the world be as one;
may all nations have plenty and be safe
may they have the wisdom to see what is sufficient
and what is needful and refrain from excess;
may each one wake up each day to a world of love;
may all of humanity set aside all dogma and past
and may they learn to see the new, the future
and be past all creed, beliefs and divisions;
and may they see with clarity
that they are as but children of one family

let there be peace
let there be plenty
let there be harmony
let there be love -
all days and all years
in this our world
that changes and moves all hours and ages

poor Man
was made in the image of God
(especially man, especially the he's!)
and so he he he must abide
with rules and propriety
and commandments and ideals


whereas I,
I am free to go
where I choose
to wing myself


(no doubt I fear the fly-swat
though I escape that mostly with dexterity)


ah, strange that it is a petty fly
just a common fly, a housefly
just me
that knows unconditioned freedom;
for I have no ideals to pursue
and am not judged nor do I judge
and can fly low and high
and no one cares if I feed at dung-piles
and sit cleaning my feet on most sacred altars
or run up the nostrils of most reverend masters


ah, to be a fly -
far better a short soul-less life
(ended perhaps by your fly-swatter)
of daring and freedom
than an eternal life of burning Hell
or eternal, unquestioning drugged obedience



poor Man
was made in the image of God
(especially man, especially the he's!)
and so he he he must abide
an eternity
of rules and propriety
and commandments and ideals

Descartes and Isaac Beeckman,
Monsieur de Chandoux
and Jacob Golius
are talking

Monsieur de Chandoux
asks if Descartes will attend his next lecture
and Descartes replies: “I don’t think so”
And Descartes disappears

And Diogenes is an outcast
not wanted by society;
his mind is way too far
and he doesn't belong -
and where does he come from, anyway?
and they don't want teachers like that;
and the men and women of Dignity
have made sure he stands at the periphery,
as far outside as possible


'O why do you beg,
Diogenes?'
asks the butcher

'I'm a teacher,
Old Butcher, '
says Diogenes
'I beg in order
to teach'

'And what
do you teach?'
asks the butcher

'Generosity,'
answers Diogenes
*'Do you have some bones
and meat you can spare?'

Now
I posted a poem or two
which grabbed the eyes
of a dozen or so
like glue;
but now I’d like someone to tell me
what I should do

1
I mean,
I got a few followers, right…
“Latenight ****** started following you”
said the notice from the website;
and: “ Moonface at Window started following you”
but I got no comments from the followers
so I have no idea what sort of people they are -
and now, hey, I’m so afraid of all these followers
(these Moonies and Loonies)
I constantly look back over my shoulders
to see if they are following me
And everywhere I go
every other person looks so sus
and when I’m out
(wont to water more often, as it happens at my age)
I visit public toilets (McDonald’s is often cleanest)
and I get this feeling
(deep down in me)
my followers are hiding
in the ceiling
watching me
dadadidado –
But please, O don’t look down on me!

And the rest of you decent people -
will you please tell me what to  dadadidado?


2
And look,
I got all these likes -
which is good, right?
“Pimply Whanker liked this”
“***** TouchBottom liked this”
is all it says
And don’t you hate it
when they don’t leave a comment? –
And now, I’ll never know
what it is they liked…


Can someone fix me right -
what should I dadadidado??

1
“My grandma, she takes
me too literally,”
says Little Literary Tommy
“At Daylight Saving
I tell her to put her clock forward
and she does so, and her clock falls off her table”

"‘Oh, Little Tommy,’ she says
‘See what you’ve made me do!’
and she lands a knock on my head”

2
“Months later
when Daylight Saving ’s over
I tell her to put her clock backward
and she does so, and she grumbles:
‘Silly boy – now I can’t see the time!’
and lands a knock on my head”

3
“She takes this literal thing too far
does my Literal Granny
that when I had a habit of sleeping late
and never getting up for school
she made me sleep out in her garden of herbs
so that I literally got up on Thyme
- and still I got a knock on my head
cos she’d forgotten why I was there in the first place”


4
But one good thing
(we must observe)
Literal Granny does for
poor Literary Tommy:
she knocks enough sense into his head
to prepare him for the hard knocks of  the Literary Life

in the beginning
was BamiBami
He the True God
the One God
He wanted everything for Himself
this BamiBami
so He weeded out all competition
and ate all the food at Cosmic Meat
Yum! Yum!
said BamiBami
More! More!
Yum! Yum!
and Mighty He fell sick
and He had no mother to make Him chicken soup
and He had no woman
to scream Him out of His Indisposition
But He had One Predisposition
and so He
vomited the Sun
and He vomited the Stars and the Planets
and the Cosmos
(and He vomited with such vehemence
the cosmos and the stars and space,
they’re still moving outward)
and then He turned round and He made one final *****
and He vomited the Earth and all its creatures
that includes you and me
and think about that,
that makes you puke
(say Hi Puke
to your fellow human pukes…)
and since then we’ve always puked
look around, and you’ll see the muck and puke
we’ve even gone nuke
All Praise be to BamiBami
He of the Divine Puke

and that’s how we got here
not by a fluke
but by a puke

Is this true
darling
what I hear
that the cult you submitted o
won’t let you see mum and dad?
And little Tom you left behind?
That the leader takes you nights
to tell you
God wants him to
explore your body and give Him an account?


Is this true
darling
what I hear?
that the cult you submitted to
has convinced you
Last Days are here
and in the fear of it all
you **** in your pants?
O lucky you
you’re the chosen one
you make holy water
so call in your cult
and let them drink it
or let them all lick it off your legs
tell them,
darling:
‘Here drink of this
the holy water
or lick it off
salt and urea
produced with faith and fear’


Give it back to the cult
tell them it is benediction
of Last Days
and they who drink it
will be amongst the elect
and those who lick it off
will sit on the right hand side of God;
and darling
produce prodigious amounts
as in the time of the Great Flood
tell them to queue and not squabble
there’s plenty for everyone of you
and if they say
they’re hungry
if you could
bring in holy food
tell them
a visit to the Scurvy Dogs Pound
can easily be arranged


O is this true
darling
what I hear?
that the intelligence
and mind
nature took so long to make in you
you blew it
on charlatans and nincompoops
and yourself became one?

got myself a donkey yesterday
and tethered it out there in the yard;
but when I looked out the window
I noticed
it looked glum, moody and testy
so I went out to see what I could do
I tickled my donkey
and he cackled and laughed a lot
and he hee-hawed aloud -
but yeah, you can bet your ****
I got the bigger kick out of it

City Slicker was lost in the bush -
two days without food
and no water
(battery in his smartphone died
so he couldn't google how to survive)
and then he stumbled into a farm
and he found a nice big cow
and he started drinking its milk straight off

But naive City Slicker, he died
How?
*The cow sat down

read me literal, dear reader
please - for I never transcend
beyond the obvious
I am in the physical, embodied and whole
and so cannot go into things figurative
or metaphorical,
satirical, persona-cast, parodic or symbolic
Irony, I've always known, is some contraption
wrought by an ironsmith

and so to me, dear reader
"He's got the whole world in his hands"
is a ridiculous proposition, makes no sense;
and Isaac Newton was obviously
suffering from concussion
from the literal apple
that hit him ******* his head
when he extemporised:
"If I have seen further it is
by standing on the shoulders of giants."
Bah! Humbug! - a scientist and you believe in giants!
Come on Newton - you're nuts!  Stick to apples!

read me literal, dear reader -
so when I say my wife is an angel
I mean she's dead and she floats around me
making ****** sure I don't get hitched again
till I too become an angel, or fiend,
however it may come to pass;
and the guy who tells me: "Nice day, isn't it"
when it's raining cats and dogs
is obviously some crazy *******

Enter IT, enthusiastic. Faces audience and looks at audience happily, and then speaks directly to audience.

IT: OK. You want to play?
     OK - I’m IT.
     I’ll be blind a while
     and I'll count
     and you go hide. OK?
     Yippee!

IT closes eyes and places hands over eyes and counts.

IT: One..two...
      Go hide!
     Three...four...five...
      I’m IT!
     Six...seven..eight...nine...
     Oh, this is fun...
     Aaandddd - Ten!
     I’m IT and I’m coming!

IT takes hands off eyes, opens eyes and looks about. IT looks with enthusiasm.

IT: Oh...where are you?
      I’m IT and I search
      and I find you nowhere...

      OK...I’ll search again...

      I search over hills and in parks
      I look behind bush and below benches
      but you are nowhere to be found.

      OK...I’ll search again...

IT looks about on stage, pretending to climb over a hill, or a tree, and so forth...looking...searching...

Enter THAT.
THAT observes IT searching, for some time - and then speaks.


THAT: What are you doing?

       IT: Who, me?

THAT: Yes, you.
              There’s no one else here.
              So what are you doing?




IT *(coming close to THAT): I’m searching. I’m IT
                                                    and I’m at play, you see.
                                                   You know - hide and seek.
                                                    I’m looking.

THAT: I see. And your name?

        IT: They call me Life.

(Silence)

IT: And your name?

THAT: They call me Death.

(Silence.)

Life: I suppose we should embrace.

Death: Yes, we should. Come closer.

(Life moves forward, closer to Death, and they embrace.)


Death: That is nice and warm.

Life: That is ****** cold!

Death: Hug me hard
            Till we are one.

Life: Like dissolving into each other?

Death: Yes - like two become one.
             That sort of imagery, that manner of speech.
             Those delightful cliches.

Life: Should we turn off the lights then?

Death: Yes, we should.
             It’s no longer child’s play, is it?

Life: No. It’s no longer child’s play;
         There’s another 4-letter word for play
         One could use - but play will do.

Death: Yes. So let’s turn off the lights.

(Lights fade.)

Life: Maybe we should draw the curtains as well?

Death: Yes, we should. (Shouts) CURTAINS!


*(End. Stage is in complete darkness. Curtain.)

dog bites man;
man bites back

dog turns round
faces the man
and dog barks:
"Do not bite -
it is not man nature;
besides, your canines
are not sharp
Now I will bite again
where it hurts most
so you'll never forget
dog nature"

dog bites man;
man runs
like a match-stick man

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1)
my wife came out of the shower
last month
still unwashed and dry as a bone
You’ve forgotten, she snarled, haven’t you,
to pay the water bill?

Ooops! I’d done it again!

2)
last Monday
she came waving her hairdryer at me
and she screamed;
You’ve forgotten, haven’t you -
to pay the power bill?

Ooops! I’d done it again!

3)
last winter
she was trembling
and she said, shivering:
You’ve forgotten
to pay the bill for the gas heating ,
haven’t you?

Ooops! I’d done it again!


4)
and yesterday
when I returned home from work
I found everything in the house floating -
the chairs and the sofa
and the oven and the dog
and my wife too, upside down
up there in mid air
And she hollered:
You’ve forgotten, haven’t you
to pay the gravity bill?
And she reached out for my neck
as I levitated too

*Help! Somebody
Help! Anybody
Help us get back
down to earth!

I walked past and I heard
you play the sitar, Kadambari;
and I waited at the side in the streets
as I heard the soothing tunes and the notes
and the playfulness and the pleas and eloquence
and the pain and the joys and the ecstasy
O I heard the coming to of each note and raga
and I heard each improvisation
and I stood at the gate, hidden behind the green vines
not allowed in, always the outsider
always left outside, marked by clear boundaries;
but I heard each turn and each leap and fall
and I saw you in all your beauty, Kadambari
I saw you in my mind as I stood outside  
and I heard each note
as you offered each note to Kama, the Love God
Kama with his bow and arrow of flowers;
and the jasmine plants around me bloomed
and the trees in the street and the vines over the wall
they all bloomed, as you played, O Kadambari -
and so did my being, so did my being open like the sunflower
so it did, as you, O Kadambari,
as you had your fingers on your sitar
as you made music

You remember the donkey
I bought some time ago?
Well, I stopped feeding it for a week
and the stupid animal died
just as it was finally learning to survive
on clean air, positive thoughts and vibes

(1)
Every idiot is bound
to take life so seriously
and so Tsarevna Euna
saw the torment, the pretension
in all who surrounded her
and she could not smile

Many a fool in earnest faith came -
many a handsome man
who felt there was only one aim in life;
many a clown in grave intent and purpose
auditioned;
many an imbecile from all extremities;
many a thinker, many a philosopher
many a Prophet who said Heaven is Open

But all earnestness is Dumb and Weighty
like the **** of a hippo
and so Tsarevna Euna
saw the gravity
in all who surrounded her
and she could not smile

(2)
And she heard one day
in her lonely walk
in her gray, dry-withered garden
the mouse, the beetle and the catfish talk
of the man who gave away his every coin
of the only three coins he had in the world  

And at last, the Tsarevna knew,
there was one indeed
who knew to treat the world light
(as when a leaf falls, and no one is ******* )
and so she discarded her mournful looks
and she dismissed her father and the royal court
and she grew to be the Wisest Queen of All
and so it is sung to this day,  in all those domains:
*The Princess who never smiled
she had a sudden insight
and she grew to be the Wisest Queen of All

I’ll go to this restaurant
cos today I’m eating low-fat
and healthy;
I want to glow and eat safe
and be on a diet
and take some weight off my body
and so trim some fat off the burden on
the National Health Plan;
so I’ll go to a healthy restaurant today
they serve fresh and they spell out
fat contents
for each item
so I can choose carefully
and conscientiously;
and the menu board tells me which sandwiches
have low fat
and which burgers offer health
and which meat burgers are approved
by the Heart Foundation;
and so I’ll eat healthy today
and so here I am
so can
I have one of your low-fat burgers, please…?
Yum, that’s going to be really healthy…
Yes……with double cheese…yes, make it double meat…
And can I have plenty of sauce
and add that creamy sauce special too, please….?
more of that sauce please….more….more…
…more…continue till I tell you to stop…
….thanks….and
is it too late to add bacon and sausage?
Yes…thanks….yum…that’s really healthy
And yeah, why not? – three cookies
and a large cup of the post-mix syrup…
Yum…that’s healthy and good…Thanks.
That’s yummy…I feel good…
Also could you pack a takeaway
of the same stuff
for me dinner, please?

Li Po sits drinking wine;
he is in his garden
below the tree
reciting his poems to the night
and he sings to the cool air
and he sings to the moon
and he drinks more in between


Li Po walks to the lake
and he sings to the moon:
I will come to you, beloved
I will come to you
for you have waited for me centuries
for you have glowed nights
looking for me;
I will come to you, even now,
beloved moon,
I will come to you, even now


and Li Po walks to his boat
and he rows his boat
and he rows his boat gleefully
and he rows singing
and Li Po is in the middle of the lake
and he stops there to look at his beloved
whose radiant wholeness
shimmers in the water


and Li Po sings always
his song of love to his moon:
I will come to you, beloved
I will come to you
for you have waited for me centuries
for you have glowed nights
looking for me;
I will come to you, even now,
beloved moon,
I will come to you, even now



and Li Po jumps into the lake
and he struggles and he swims
and he swims and he struggles
and he sings:
I come to you, beloved,
I come to you
you who have waited centuries for me
radiant and a-glow in the sky
I come to you now



and he swims towards the distorted moon in the lake
and he beats his hands at the moon in the lake
and Li Po struggles
and Li Po clutches at the watery moon
and Li Po is his with his beloved
after centuries he is come
and Li Po is with his love
Li Po is with his beloved moon:
Li Po drowns to the moon; Li Po flies to the moon

come animals
you have no rights;
what rights can you have?
when the Almighty Lord has said
you are but food for man
for man is given dominion over all things

come animals
you have no rights;
so come willingly
and with a broad smile and grin
to lay down your lives
for man’s potbellies;
come animals
with gratitude
for you are the Lord’s sweet and delicious creatures

come with glad hearts and a happy song
no: moo, moo, moo
no: baa, baa, baa…
no: **** a doodle doo
no: bow, wow, wow
no: oink, oink, oink
no: sss, sss, ssss
no: meow, meow, meow
but happily altogether now
you shall sing:
Merrily, merrily
we serve mankind
with a
hee, hee, hee
and a ha, ha, ha
Merrily, merrily
we lay our lives
so that man’s potbellies be filled
and the Lord’s will be done

I see you
gentle red and white
peach blossoms
delicate like the life
one holds in one’s heart
like the name and beauty in
each one we know
and the transience of oneself
that we see in the quiet of each passing day;
gentle red and white
peach blossoms
I see you
quiet ones
like life in all forms one observes
that blossoms and takes its place in its day
and that resurfaces in the energy of species;
I see you
gentle red and white
peach blossoms
the same radiance runs
through you and me

The Clothed Maja, sister of The **** Maja (both painted by Goya, and both enjoyed by Raj Arumugam), speaks:*
  

Hey, you boys…yeah, you…
OK, all of you good boys, if you like…
come see me in my white dress and golden shoes;
see me reclined in my luxurious couch…
Look here…I’m in this room…
Oh, you adorable, silly boys;
I’ve been hearing you the last hour
as you searched one room after another
and all you grown men giggling like little boys…
while I’ve been waiting here all the while…
And you’re Frank? And you?
Sean? What a **** name you’ve got baby…
Oh, hmmmm…you should be…O Patrick,
you think I’m cool?
I was made by Goya, how can I not be?
And come on other boys at the door, don’t be shy…
Ravi, Kesav, Eliot,  jp –
my, my, what a short name you got;
you can get it long too? ...jp…lovely name…
and Jack Chappell, and Sean Critchfield –
and why didn’t cheeky Raj come?
Oh, leave him, he’s probably just best left ogling
at ***** shunga pictures
from Hokusai…

So welcome boys all…
Yes, yes, you can come close
You can’t resist the scent can you?
O, my name? Just call me Maja -
Maja pretty and well-dressed
and I just love good company and wine
and pleasure and fun
…what?
You guys think I’m sweet, and seductive?
Oh, that’s nice of you…
**** too?
Oh, boys! Oh, you boys!
If you think I’m ****
Oh wait till you see my sister, my double –
Oh, yes she’s always reclining in a bed too
unlike that stodgy Mona Lisa
Well, my sis didn’t want to come
but really, I’ll tell you a secret -
my sis, she doesn’t wear clothes -
and she hasn’t been in clothes since 1800!
Oh, you guys got to go?
Reluctant, but you must go?
Yeah, you can always see me – just google Goya
and I’ll always be there
and my sister?
Oh, you naughty boys, that’s who really want to see,
don’t you?
and that’s the reason for your sudden hurry?
Well, she’s always placed beside me –
I’m always The Clothed Maja and she the Naked one…
See you soon, guys –
see you at Goya...
Hey, come back here boys –
the least you can do is to kiss me goodbye…

(poem not for the modest)

1)
Susan is envious about
Mr Ron’s rich-red tomatoes
just over the fence;
and Susan asks how he does it
“Oh,”* says Mr Thorn, “I expose myself
twice daily to the tomatoes
and they blush and so they are red
Try it with your vegetables, Susan”

2)
It’s three weeks later
and Mr Thorn asks over the fence:
“Hey Susan, how are your veggies now?”

“Well,” replies Susan, *“tomatoes are the same
Oh but you should see the cucumbers –
my, how they've grown!”

It’s the same
here as always;
centuries on
since my last report
these earthlings are
still killing themselves


It’s the same
here as always;
they’re still telling lies
to one another;
and as before
they’re good at disguising
their intentions
so good they cheat themselves



It’s the same
here as always;
they’re eating so
much of their earth
and rubbishing
the space round their planet;
they learn but they’re too slow
and when they’re smart
they’re too smart for their own good



It’s the same
here as always;
they’re imagining
things and the things they imagine
are always more real
to them
than the reality:
please refer to my earlier reports
on their religions
and their ideas of good and evil


It’s the same
here as always;
they’re still messing up
things and they think their messiahs
will come and fix things up for them;
they never think for themselves
but must always rely
on revelation and authority


It’s the same
here as always;
they still think I’m a lobster
hanging over them
in their polluted sky.
Can I come home, please? –
it’s really boring watching these dumb guys!



It’s the same
here as always;
centuries on
since my last report
these earthlings are
still killing themselves.
I wish they’d do it a little quicker
so I get to go home!

I ask you
Most Intelligent Reader,
expecting an answer:
What do a rabbit
and a hawk
have in common?

I expect an answer
from you
Most Intelligent Reader
But I expect it to be wrong
so I shall tell you the answer
to the question:
What do a rabbit
and a hawk
have in common?
The answer:
They both live underground,
except for the hawk

I bet you didn't know the answer,
dear intelligent reader

I’m known to be smart
always get what I want
I’m street-smart and savvy -
hey, I can deal with crowds

Why, only the other day
there was an accident
right in the heart of the Great Exotic City
and the nosy crowd gathered thick
but no way I was going
to be left out of a close view
so I shouted:
“Let me thru! Let me thru!
I’m the son of the injured victim!”

And sure enough
the people parted
as swift as the Red Sea –
you should have seen
the awe in their eyes on seeing me -
and I made my way thru
straight to where the victim was
lying before the car:
*...a ****** old donkey...

Ah, all of you young and all my children
and all of you lovely ones
You throw us this lovely 50th anniversary party
and you honor me and my beloved wife
And all this food, and all these drinks
and celebration and dance and music…
It moves my heart…and you ask me to tell you
what 50 years of marriage have taught me,
what such a long marriage teaches,
and well, this is what I have learned:
*Well, a long marriage as such teaches you
all the qualities that make one human
and such qualities
I have learned
as loyalty and love and generosity and empathy
and understanding and give-and-take attitude
and the necessity of speech and the necessity to remain silent –
all qualities, and understanding,
dearest friends and my most loved ones,
qualities I need never have acquired O if only I had remained single

dear owl,
where is your home
after all the day and night of rains
that you should sit
forlorn like Lear
on the pavement
this cold, sunless morning?

you will make one again
dear owl
and you will hoot again in nights
and stay discreet in the days

of course everyone
knows the famous riddle
that drew a one-word answer
but the sphinx also threw another
at Oedipus just outside Thebes:
a sister comes first and gives birth to another
and the second consumes and then births the first



bored, the gifted Oedipus yawned his answer:
*day and night

And Diogenes is in his corner
and this young man
new Philosophy Graduate
of the Academy comes up to him
and sits beside him on the steps
of Raphael's School of Athens
and the young man says to Diogenes:
'There is no such thing as motion, Diogenes.
I shall prove to you through complex philosophy.'

And Diogenes gets up
and he walks away from
the School of Athens
and he goes to his tub
at the end of the marketplace

1
Ginhoko is a slob
he ***** up to the boss
and he squeals on his mates
May his family starve and
may his wife find him always flaccid

2
You loser! You loser! You loser!

3
the woman who walks past our store
everyday when I have my tea
she is lovely and a fairy -
O will she not look at me?

4
The boss is a donkey
He eats pig ****
and his wife drugs his food
and his wife fornicates with the servant
while her husband lies drugged,
and everyday she winks at me

5
May the world go jump
in the ditch!
May I alone survive and enjoy the earth!

6
What do you eat? You smell of the backstreets
of the red light district
where the men go to ease themselves

7
who scribble here
is nincompoop

Lord Quirk lived alone
in his castle
full of stuffed animals
and dried creatures
and humans as such too
And when Salesman New-deals called
"Just the very thing I need, "
said Lord Quirk
and added Salesman New-deals
to his Dried Goods Collection

And now Lord Quirk's descendant
has a signboard outside the castle
that says in characters old but not faded:
*"Won't you come in
to view our collection
and be part of the experience?"

let’s love the lawn
sweetheart
let’s trim the lawn;
let’s get it cut
and neat and fine;
let’s do the groovy lawn dance
baby
so the neighbors will be
green as nourished grass


let’s feed the lawn
sweetheart
all chemicals and fertilizers;
let’s read the warnings first
baby:
keep away from eyes
wear a face mask
and spread generously
on lawn


let’s keep the lawn beautiful
and pleasant
like the ancient fields of Albion,
sweetheart;
it’s time for the ****-killer sprays
and conscientious as we are
we use only enviro-friendly
so let’s read the instructions
baby:
Keep spray away from drains
and eyes and skin
and do not spray before rain


Ah, come on
ladies and gentlemen
of our distinguished
blue ribbon suburbs;
out all with your chemicals
and all our pesticides
to **** the grubs and such pests



come all, Old Ken
and newly-weds Lily and Peter
and new-arrivals Tan and Goh
we’ll show you how;
come sweethearts
come let’s dance in the fields of cherished suburbs
and let the earth yield a great big burb


this is the way
we spray chemicals
this is the way we **** our weeds;
this is the way we fertilize our lawns
this is the way we spray pesticides
early morning
every Spring and Summer
this is the way we do it
early morning
every Spring and Summer

so let’s love the lawn
sweetheart
let’s trim the lawn;
let’s get it cut
and neat and fine;
let’s do the groovy lawn dance
baby
so the neighbors will be
green as nourished grass

sleep gentle mother
sleep in the public dump
that is your grave;
and the child in your womb
you shall be its grave
O sleep sinful mother
the wise Taliban gives you rest
for we think it’s best for you

I was walking in the area
when the elders made it known:
“there’s a woman here
a widow of years
she’s enjoyed the body of a man
and she should answer for adultery”

and so we called for the woman
and I made things out clear to her:
Bibi Sanubar
48 years old
woman, and guilty of adultery;
justice gives you
over 200 lashes
and bullets in your body

and so we took the accursed
Bibi Sanubar
to public view
and let the whip kiss her over 200 times;
and as her illicit lover put his seed in her
we put bullets in her chest and head;
and this accursed Bibi Sanubar
we dumped in government land
******* with *******
dirt with dirt


sleep gentle mother
sleep in the public dump
that is your grave;
and the child in your womb
you shall be its grave
O sleep sinful mother
the wise Taliban gives you rest
for we think it’s best for you

I, Kinmgo Kaput, Lord of the Three Grand Lands
that Sink Every Time there is a Flood;
I, Lord of the Queen of The All Basins that Deliver
Rich Harvests and Rice and Lentils and that rules
the Nether Rooms in the Mansions;
I, Pharaoh and Lord of All Kingdoms
that ever existed before my Time on this Wretched Earth;
I, Lord of the Rich Lands and Lord of Wood and Metal
and Lord of a Thousand Such Designations;
I, King, Emperor, Pharaoh, Son of Heaven
and Descended of Stars;
I do solemnly swear and declare
you a Nincompoop for reading this, wasting your time idly
looking at lines not worth the space they inhabit;
You, waster of time reading lines of second-rate verse
rather than feeding the poor
or offering your hours at the House of the Wretched;
You, waster of time reading poems and verse
not worth the alphabet the language inhabits –
You, I declare a Nincompoop
and may you waste your hours in the Underworld
translating the lives of Ants into clay tablets of verse
that disappear after each line you carve;
and may you, nincompoop who wastes such time reading such empty verse,
may you so waste eternity

And thus have I spoken and thus is it recorded on this wall,
the Solemn Words (no laughing or sneering there!)
Of Kinmgo Kaput, Lord of the Three Basins
That have been left Unwashed
by the Queen who lords over Home

Prologue
see, do you see?
Judy and Punch
are shopping
Like the loving couple they are
they are at it together

Action!
Punch puts in a carton of beer
into the trolley
And Judy hauls it out immediately
and puts it back on the shelf –
It’s too expensive, honey
says Judy.  $50 a carton, that’s too much money


Now Judy is in the “Beauty” section
and picks a Beauty Pack for $100
and Punch protests immediately:
That’s what’s too much money!

Oh, but you do want
me to look beautiful, darling –
don’t you? says Judy, with a smile

Yeah, sweetheart,
but half the price
would have done the trick!
says Punch, with a counter-smile


Epilogue**
Now, what do you think
happens after Punch’s punch line?
Do you think Judy makes
the literal and the metaphorical merge?
Are the stars Punch sees literal
or figurative, you think?

consider
the field is never always smooth;
there are times that the grass turns brown
and the flowers wilt and their petals
return to the ground
…consider these things…
what was a frolicing maid becomes a hag;
the virulent man shrivels and becomes incapable
and so the sky, never always clear and boundless
and so the clouds, not always childhood pleasantries
but they come into chaos and dreariness
and pile dollops of dark humor
and so our lives,
darlings, O sweet ones -
regard these things well -
and so our lives too pass from radiant days
to gasp below dreary shades
from a happy, happy song to a dirge over the dale –
and not all our rosaries and beads and prayers and faith
nothing will halt, in spite of stories they recite,
nothing will halt the sun and the passage of time
and so like the artist it is best to observe
like the artist in the field
capture the moment, savor the life
and if anything, make of one’s life a beauty
that others may pause to gaze at
as pausing to gaze at a rose, the cherry blossoms…
be you makers of beauty,
darlings, O darlings, consider these things
O sweet ones…

1
In this dark, cruel and callous world
it’s optimists ar’ always good to me -
they lend me a thousand dollars
and when I don’t return
they don’t get discouraged
they convince themselves I’ll pay up soon
“Tomorrow,” they nod sagaciously
Yeah, tomorrow
And even when they get mad and furious
all I have to do is to offer them half a glass

2
To ‘em optimists
I’m full of gratitude
cos when I  ‘s a kid
and skinned their cats
and stole their lawn mowers
and silverware
and put them up for sale in the same
street
they stood agape and said:
“This kid, one day he’ll be a great entrepreneur”


3
I love optimists
cos even though my parents cursed
“We never really wanted you”;
and my wife confesses every other night:
“I married you for all the stolen money
and will dump you
and claim half of every dollar and property”;
and my kids keep pestering me:
“When will you die?
Have you written your will?” -
optimists tell me:
“The universe loves you;
reach out, and the universe reaches out to you”
Hey, you get more love from strangers
than from family

4
And of course
let me not forget Destiny’s plan
for optimists in my life
cos even after the fourth ******
for which I was found guilty
(never mind the six undiscovered)
the optimists in the legal system and
Friends of the Maladjusted
got me out in seven-a-weeks, with the hope:
” This time, surely, he will change
for the better”

Ah, what’ll I do without  ‘em optimists? -
bless ‘em all, and keep ‘em alive
for I’m planning my next killing

1
full of faith and belief
I prayed and prayed;
and at long last God
(don’t imagine a He or She)
said to me:
“I’m moved by your faith.
Is there something you’d like?”

I shook my head.

And God smiled
and said:
“Would you like
some gold, oil and money?”

“No,” I said
and prayed and prayed.


“A never-ending supply
of food, perhaps?”
asked God.

“No, no,” I said,
and prayed and prayed.

“The gift of poetry, perhaps?”
asked God.

“No, no, never that.
What, you want to ruin me?”
I said,
and prayed and prayed.


“Wealth? Fame?
A good obedient wife
who can’t speak, perhaps?”
said good God.


“No, no, “
I said
and prayed and prayed.



2
“Shall I,” offered God,
“remove all suffering
from the world?”


“No,” I said.
“The world’s already used to it.”
And I prayed and prayed.


“Look, you must tell me
what you want,”
said God, now appearing a little irritated.

“Oh well, if you insist,”
I said.
“I want your job.”

And God disappeared
as fast as speedy Gonzales.

herein I tell the tale of how "it's" and "its" entered into a suicide pact, and how I counselled them, and saved them from certain death

1
in fair paper and screens  
where our sins mostly lie
there were born two asterik-crossed lovers:
it's and its
and though they did not die
they did marry
and they begot a child
the second it's  -
though it has a life of its own

2
But in the hands of so many
were "it's" and "its" abused,
it was no longer funny
One said: *"The dog missed it's master"
(and people wondered if the dog is the master)
and another advised: "Seize the bull by it's horns"
and while many stood distracted by the meaning
the bull ****** its horns deep into their posteriors

And so were "it's" and "its" driven to woe
that they made a suicide pact
and I was commissioned to counsel them:
"Listen, it's the age of the
you're for your
there for their
(and vice-versa)
and people are no longer who but that;
an age in which people think an apple
is something you poke at"

And thus were it's and its consoled
and in my wisdom of the ages, I continued:
"Besides you've got your baby it's (it has) to think of"

3
And so it is I saved "it's" and the "its"
for our noble English Language,
turned comic what would have been tragic -
but what matters it anyway
when people still mess up the two
just as we mess up the earth
and misuse beliefs and religion

I bought a sundial
for my garden

It would be perfect, I mused
in the sudden spot
Quaint, archaic – and provide an old-world charm;
a tribute to times past

and so it is there in the corner
but the ****** sundial is useless
for it doesn’t tell me
if it’s AM, or PM
like my digital watch does, like my iPhone does -
can you beat that?
No, trust me - they didn’t make things before
better than what come out of our sweatshops now