Beats me how silly
people can be

I ordered online
part 669
but they sent me 699

I sent it back -
and would you believe it? -
6 times again and again
those nuts
sent me part 699
instead of part 669 that I asked for

Beats me how silly
people can be
for when I sent it back the seventh time
they sent me 699 again, with a note:
“Turn box other way round”

Now, why didn’t they tell me that
the first time round?
Beats me how silly
people can be

times change
but it's always
the same old problem


The Past
"Grandma, I'm marrrying
a black guy," said Lucia
"What the hell!" cursed Grandma

The Present
"Grandma, I'm marrying
Mike,"  says David
"What the F^^^!" curses Grandma

The Future, c. 2035
"Grandma, I'm marrying
a robot," Lucy says
"What the #^@!" Grandma curses

My robot died yesterday
May 14, 2035
A little tap and a squeeze
on my shoulder
and it gasped:
"Goodbye, master -
I'll see you in Heaven"
And then a few clicks
and a few kicks
and it lay down still and silent

And at its funeral
I intoned all 3 final words
with the deepest love and gratitude:
*"Rust in  Peace"

Little Tim and Little Sam
were playing by a stream
and Tim went off
to ease himself
and Sam grew impatient
waiting so long for him;
and so he ran along
to catch up with Tim

And there was Tim
behind a tree
at the stream
looking at a naked woman swim -
so Tim and Sam,
both growing boys, stood
side by side watching the phenomenon

And suddenly Tim ran off
and Sam followed his friend
and catching his breath, he said:
Why did you run away?

And Tim's reply was
to the point, and firm:
*My mom warned me
if I looked at a woman naked
I'd turn to stone -
and how true, for while at the stream
I felt something of me harden!

1)
See, **** Susan is on holiday
and she's made her way
to the hotel roof
on her second day
**** Susan takes off her dress
and in her bikini
she sunbathes on the roof
"Ah, this is the life," she says
"The sun and the roof all to myself"

2)
See, **** Susan on her third day
this time
sunbathing stark naked
on the roof
and she turns over
with her buttocks to the sky
and the native  hotel bellboy
comes running up
and panting
and from an official distance he says:
"Madam, I humbly beg you
put on bikini at least
like you did yesterday"

And see **** Susan smirking
and she says:
"What's the problem,  kid?
No one's gonna see me here"

"But madam," says the cringing native
*"You are lying face down
on our high-tech one-way vision
dining-hall skylight roof"

If plants can communicate
so can planets

and so two planets started talking
and one said: How are you?

And the other replied:
I've got a medical condition -
the doctors say I've got
a serious case of **** sapiens

And the first one replied:
*Oh, never you worry about that;
I had the same condition
and it didn't last long