I am but a Monster...
Monsters fall in love too
And, in fact, this Monster
has fallen deeply for you

There's only so much damage a person can take and after all the damage and abuse mine has been through, I swore falling in love, again, just wasn't in the cards for me. I went through so much at the young age of 14 and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. I was only 14, you know? How do you come to the acceptance that the only boy you've ever loved used the fact you loved him unconditionally as a tool against you to break your heart? It was too much for me. So for 3 years I stayed away from the idea of "love" all together. I promised and swore to myself that after all the trauma I went through that no one could love me, not even my family, and that "never again will I let someone in." And for 3 years, I kept that promise. We broke up May 2014 and I never wanted to fall in love after that May... But then May 2016 came...

At the end of my junior year I met this guy, and from the moment I met him everything just about him drew me in. He was so handsome and he was so unbelievably sweet to me. He made me feel appreciated and made my heart feel alive. When I kissed him the first time I fell in love and when he put his hands on me it was to hold me not to hurt me. But I was still scared, because I didn't want to get hurt again.

Because for 3 years I stayed away from love but I didn't stay away from boys. I talked to boys, hung out with boys, but when I found myself catching feelings I ran away. I just couldn't do it...

I never intended to fall in love again, it just kinda happened. He's a dream come true and he is such a blessing in my life. I love him, I really do. And I never want to lose him... I can't...

But your memory still haunts me everyday

I loved him when I was 14 more than I have ever loved another human being in my entire 16 years of life

I loved him so much I could have cared less what other people had to say about him

I loved him so much I believed in him when no one else did

I loved him so much that I was willing to invest time into him to fix him

I loved him so much that I was willing to risk everything to be with him

I loved him so much that even though I knew he was no good for me I still stayed with him

I loved him so much that I threw away friendships to be with him

I loved him so much that I moved mountains just to see him

I loved him so much I stuck by his side even when he made it impossible at times

I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine life without him

I loved him so much I can barely put it into words

I loved him so much that when I saw him in pain I also felt his pain

I loved him so much I would have died for him

I loved him so much I was willing to forgive him after all he put me through because I didn't want to lose him

I loved him so much he used my unconditional love as a tool to break my heart

I loved him so much that I chased him and didn't care how desperate I looked because I believed what we had was real

I loved him so much when we broke up it was physically difficult for me to breathe without him

I loved him so much that I still held on to some hope that he would one day change

I loved him so much that without him I felt like I was missing a part of me

I loved him so much that I even though I knew I would hurt myself loving him I didn't care

I loved him with every ounce of my body that when he finally left I lost a part of my soul

I loved him so much that I defended and made excuses for him when he laid hands on me

I loved him so much to the extreme I didn't even know it was even possible to love anyone as much as I loved him

I loved him so much that I forgot to love myself

I loved him so much more than life itself

I loved him so much that I wanted to die without him

I loved him so much that the thought of him with someone else made my stomach turn

I loved him so much that I tried to **** myself so I wouldn't have to live with the fact he didn't love me back

I loved him so much that if I had the choice to start over and chose between destroying myself loving him or to walk away, I would love him again in a heartbeat because he shaped me for better and for once

I loved him so much and because I loved him I never want to love anyone else ever again

I loved him so much that I can't risk falling in love ever again