i used to be able to write and speak without thinking
to form sentences and phrases and paragraphs
like it was what i was born to do
i knew just as many words
as a dictionary
but lately
i’ve been
slowing down
like my
brain
is
disintegrating
i’m fading
falling
asleep
slowly
dying.

i want to slice open my arms and legs
bleed into the universe
until i become one with the stars

i want to be a flower
torn apart by the breeze
until nothing remains of the original me

i want to rip your memory from my brain
my veins and nerves and muscles
my mouth screams out your name
and echoes in the silence
until it matches with the pounding in my chest

and you said you would never leave
i was foolish enough to actually believe

they say i told you so
while i cry over the countless hours
i’ve wasted on loving you

i want to fade away
until the molecules holding me together
begin to
s e p a r a t e

if I have not told you lately
that I love you
time has gotten in the way
of everything
I want to say

if I have told you too much
that I love you
its just because
my mind has dissolved
into chaos

do not mind my words
do not mind my heart

the sun rises
and sets
each day
because we are just a sliver
in the universe
a thorn
not shaken loose yet

and we will never change it
and you will never love me
and I will never believe
in anything but this

it’s all concrete
imbedded
engraved
painted
into stone.

our society
talks of acceptance
of equality,
but only if you look the part.

our society
is one filled with ***
of promiscuity,
but God forbid
if you bed anyone.

our society
idolizes love
and soul mates
but only if it is the right ***.

our society
tells us that everyone is unique,
but whatever you do
don’t be yourself.

they say we are all made out of
stardust
if so,
i am a million black holes
and you are the brightest suns
in the universe.

i think it would be nice
if i were to be a ghost.

think of all the fun
i could have
while scaring people shitless.

tip over the water glasses,
the chairs,
the tables.

turn off the lights
in the evening
turn them on
at dawn.

walk around
in silk sheets
whispering quiet nothings
in your ears
watching you look around
eyes wide.

leave you little poems
that you’ve never read
because ive made them up
just then.

we could have fun
as you look right through me
just like old times.

i have words printed on my arms
you can see them,
but you have to look closely

ugly
fat
****
useless

they cut across the pale skin like scars.