If you knew how i really felt.
I don't say i love you because those are the words i would use at my wedding.
But if we were getting married.
I would say it with everything i had.
And it wouldn't be a mistake.
But slowly falling.
I want to know,
Would you say "I Do"
Because i want you to mean it if you would.
I don't wanna have kids and be divorced.
I want to be what they call "Happy"
Would we be that.

Stars light,
Stars bright,
You are the only star i see tonight,
I wish i was there in your dreams.
Because,
You starred at the stars
Like they were
Pillows for your mind
And in their light
You could rest your heavy head.
And dream  the most beautiful dreams.

Why me?
Why would i fall for you?
Every time i see you.
Its just beauty in my eyes...
Beauty, like never before...
Beauty you don't recognize yourself.
Your so insecure but yet beautiful.
I don't understand.
And i want you to not be insecure.
There are people that would **** for your looks.
I mean,
I would.

Don't  kiss me
If your afraid of
Thunder.
Because,
My life is
A
Storm.

I wonder if
Teachers ever realize
That some of
The students sitting
In their class
Have serious
Mental  Illnesses
And are collapsing
Under pressure they
Put on them.

Walking through the rain,
I try to forget the pain.
I try to ignore the sting in my eyes,
because I know, a strong girl never cries.
I begin to run, run from my fears.
But I am followed by my ever present tears.
I want to leave these familiar places,
leave behind all of these frequent faces.
But where will I go?
What will I do?
All I know is I have to get far away from you.
But something keeps me here,
crying one last tear.

I wish i wouldve saved
Every tear i cried for you.
So i could drown you
In them.

I love you
I love you
I really ******* love you
And you don't love me and that's okay i guess
Because in the end you are still my best friend
And i just want you to be happy
Even if its not with me
And i think your the greatest person in the world
And you put yourself down
Oh god your smile is beautiful
And your eyes are stunning
And i love you
And i'm sorry for that.

I've honestly tried hard,
Sometimes i think to hard.
You've literally changed me.
Changed the way i see love.
Now i think i'm in love with you..
You say you're in love with me.
I hope you are.
You truly have shown me true love.
My mother & father haven't event shown me love at all.
You make me feel like i deserve to be on this earth.
Hell, you're the reason i'm still here.
If it wasn't for you i'd be long gone.
And i love you so ****** much...
You've gave me a reason to stay here,
You've gave me happiness.
And oh my god how i just want to thank you.
Thank you.

That should be me,
Kissing your lips.
That should be me,
Buying you gifts.
That should be me,
Holding your hand.
That should be me,
Making you laugh.

The chaotic noise inside the class,
The live chit chat that every group has.
Yes, another semester is at hand,
Another great year is about to land.
Friends hug like there's no tomorrow,
Happiness is in, no more sorrow.
I see new people walk inside the room,
New batches of friends are about to bloom.
But one person caught my attention,
A girl with this kind of perfection,
Walks like a model on a runway,
A girl that stole my heart away.
Her eyes sparkle like the stars above,
That look she gives me that I really love.
Her smile that takes my breath away,
I know that I won't let her slip away.
I want to tell her what I really feel,
Wanting to tell her that this is real.
Oh, this feeling that I hate,
A feeling that would not obliterate.
Want to know about the sad truth?
That there will never be a "me and you."
Yes, that is the sad truth
That you'll never say you like me too.
But shes the only one for you,
It will only be "You and her"
The Sad Truth,
I will never be able to tell this,
But its one thing i want to tell.

As i walked out the therapist office
I have even more guilt on my face than i did when i walked in,
She told me i had depression.
She told me i had anxiety.
She handed me a prescription.
She told me,
These will make you happy.
On my drive home that repeated in my head.
"These will make you happy"
No. They wont.
Nothing can stop what i go through.
Nothing.
I went home just to sleep all day again.
I try to keep myself awake but i just can't.
I feel like i can sleep forever.
I slowly fall asleep.
I wake-up to my mother telling me to take my meds.
The words "these will make you happy"
Once again runs through my head.
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Just to go back to bed.
The next morning i wake up
My mother screams, "Take your meds!"
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Then i get dressed for school for a day to start again.
Everyday the words
"These will make you happy"
Is always running through my head.

We Hurt Ourselves
On The Outside
To **** The Thing
On The Inside.

Relapsing,
Is
Just
Time
Collapsing.

I remember being on the phone til 4:00 in the morning,
I remember you getting shot in the leg while me and you were talking.
As you  were running from those people.
I remember me telling you to eat cat food because you were locked in a room so they couldnt find you and you havent eaten,
I remember you telling me you loved me,
I said i didnt feel the same way,
You almost committed suicide while being at the harbor by your house.
I loved when we video chatted,
You had a transgender friend,
You always wrestled with what you called "it"
I thought it was rude...
But these memories just dont leave.
Because i keep feeding them with Images of what it would be like if i was there.
You told me you loved me,
You dated another girl, i  cried
But you broke up with her for me..
I kinda miss these memories.
I kinda did love  you.
(yeah, i have turned down a lot of people but this one meant the most)
I just  cant get rid of these tired memories. Because i give them your favorite energy drink ;)

I seem happy right?
You see no cuts on my wrist.
Only the smile on my lips..
You hear me laugh, you see me smile.

But did you take time to look in my eyes?
Did you see the emptiness, the darkness...
Did you check my hips?
Darling, if you only opened your eyes, you could see.
I was dying inside...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Only if you knew how in love i am in with you.
Maybe you'd love me back.
Maybe love is something you lack.
You'll lay in bed tonight with a face lit so bright.
I'll lay in bed with a new thin on my arm, in red.
Trust me, You not knowing this isnt whats killing me,
Its for the fact that i know you'll never love me.
Cutting is just  my new found bliss,
If people knew, they'd call me crazy.
If people knew,  they might care.
But if you knew. You would NEVER. Be right where you are now.
"My Friend"

Slit your wrist,
Cut your thighs,
Fake a smile,
Dry your eyes,
Hate yourself,
Hate your life,
Welcome to my world of lies.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don€™t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Im not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend Im OK
But thats not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin€™ to do

It€™s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But Im doin It
It€™s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and Im alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin€™ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say (to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
Thats what I was trying to do

And it only
Took a few
Of that mothers
Words to
Put her back
Into her dark
Estate.
That mothers
Daughter
Found her relief
In a blade..
Once again.

I would do absolutely
Anything  right now to be
Able  to snuggle up next  to
You, bury my head in your chest,
And  interlock  my fingers with yours.
I'd be  able to look up at you and
Smile whenever i wanted to.
I'd  be  able to lean up kiss you whenever
I wanted to.
I'd be able to tell you how  i feel about you whenever
I wanted to.

Do you see?
Or did love just completely blind you?
I think your hurting to much,
Shes hurting you,
I hate it,
I wanna be able to help you  see,
Shes just completely destroying you,
She is one of the most unloyal  people i know,
And just seeing you hurt,
Kills me, your such a beautiful girl dont ya see?
I wonder and wonder
Why?
Why do you let her do this to you?
You cut, because of her,
You cry, because of her,
You hurt because of her,
I have grown to hate her for what shes done to  you.
Ugh,
Just notice im here, and want you to leave her,
Even though it wont happen... youll always be in love with her.

Why Has The  World
Put Me On A Earth  
Were I Cant Be Loved
Were No One Cares For Me
No One Wants Me.
Why  Live On A Earth
That You Cant Get Off
Of When You Want To  Leave
Why Do People You Love Leave
And You Cant  See Them Until You  Leave?
Why Live In A Life Where
Your Life Changes Everyday.
When Your Life Becomes Happy
To Sad.

Life is filled with pain,
anger and sorrow.
I need a knife to borrow.
Let it flow against my skin easily,
as it goes deeper and deeper.

Soon I'll be with the reaper.
Tears fall fastly,
Thinking I'm worthless to be here.
All of my frights becomes my fears.

The words flowing through my head so fast,
you ***** **** *****.
Tearing my heart apart and throwing it on the floor.
So I cut deeper and deeper hitting the vain.

Again and again in the same spots,
leaving blood clots.
Don't judge about what I do,
judge me for who I am today.

Even if I'm not okay.
My hands, arms and legs filled with scars.
Each and every one I deserve on me,
because people tell me this all day constantly.

I hate when I believe that every word they say is true,
it hurts.
Wait until it happens to you.
Words hurt
Think before you speak

Just like the edges of a blade you cut me,
Leaving your blood red trail,
Leaving  memories,
Reminding me what you did,
Loving you was one of the worst mistakes i made,
Your scars you left are slowly fading,
Blood stains my wrist,
Knowing i actually  cared for you is a shot in the back,
Breathing in the same room as  you is more pills shoved down my throat,
Knowing i still ******* care for someone as worthless as you,
Is a stab in the heart.

I look at you
And i can see it in your face.
You think you can hide it,
But i see you.

I see the hurt,
The dark circles beneath your eyes.
And the quiet plea
Dancing on your bottom lip,
Too afraid to be voiced
Too afraid to be heard
Because your too afraid to be hurt.

And i just want to take you and
Wrap you up in my arms
Hold you, console you
Tell you things you'll believe.
But you don't seem to believe
Anything anymore.
Because you have been deceived
Far too many times.

So i'll just look at you
And see the pain in your fake smile,
And i'll smile back
And i'll hear the attempted deception
When you tell me your just tired,
I'll say me too.

I know your broken inside,
I can see it in your lies.

Roses are red,
Your wrist are too
Violets are blue,
And so are you.

I want you for all you are,
The soft giggles and
The nightmare mumbles.

Your love was the most painful.
You love could ****.
You made my heart beat to hard where it hurt.
You gave me butterflies that had blades as wings...
You didn't care all though you  act like  you did.
You said  you loved me.
That was a lie.
You are a lie.
I wish my heart would stop beating for you,
I wish the butterflies would leave.
Since you hurt me why not just **** me?