When I was younger,
I'd hated god for what I wasn't,
When I grew older,
I'd thanked god for what I was.

I vanished from the clique of bees,
Became the shallow end of seas,
Metamorphosed from a worm,
To a creature that never squirms.

I'd hated god for what I wasn't,
I wasn't ever attractive,
But as time passed and I aged,
It became all reductive.

I'd loved god for what I was,
I'd loved god for who I was.

Its been 5 months…..

& I know im still in love with you…

You still cross my mind everyday.

There is always something that reminds me of you, or something I wish we couldve done together.

Im sure you know i still care for you & still love you by the way I talk to you when you message me on Kik. We have cute conversations no matter how strange they be, there is still a connection between you & me.

I was asked by a friend:

“Do you think you’ll get back together?”

I told her I wasnt sure.

No for right now but YES for the future.

I told her I do have hope that one day in the future when we are a little older& wiser that if we bump into each other & still feel that connection we always had since the beginning…..then I hope that we get back together & give it another go :)

I cant give up on HOPE….so if it comes true in the future with you and I….then it would be a dream come true…. because I know that once I see you again, my heart will skip a beat & Ill know I still LOVE YOU…… ♡

What have I become afraid of, self consciousness or confidence?
Inability or the risk of flying high?
Losing or winning it all?

I know you're contemplating suicide.
I know you're wishing your pain would end.
But you are not your pain...
So don't let it become you.

I'm a plane on autopilot
in a constant state of "whatever"
days pass me by but they all seem to blur together.

my head is so foggy i can barely think straight; I'm trudging through life in a depression-induced haze.

the heart in my chest is far heavier than it should be, my stomach is in knots and everything hurts my feelings.

I try to control it and I try to be okay, but I can't help it in the car when tears stream down my face.

I'm a lit fuse, an active volcano, a grenade ready to blow. any little thing that happens causes my cup of emotions to overflow.

I feel so trapped, there's no way out of my head. I don't even find comfort under the covers in my own bed. there's nothing I can do to put these demons to rest.

because I'm not a child who finds security in a teddy bear or a blanket or a rocking chair. I can't color away my problems when I feel that nobody cares.

usually this would be the resolution
stanza where I say what will solve the problem, but I don't know how to and that scares me. I hope I find my way soon.

Cause in the darkness,
You'd fall faster,
The way you looked pass her,
Not taking time to acknowledge,
All the pain in your life she abolished,
By absorbing it into her own skin.
Now the shadows overlook her tear stained cheeks,
And the shadow caster,
Will only ever see her as a true disaster,
Never understood the hole in her soul,
That no matter what, she could never be whole,
It was all out of her control.

Take time to look around,
Breathe,
Because when the sun goes down,
Those who surround,
You,
Might be fighting darker demons,
Than you will ever know.

I'm Sorry for not noticing.
I'm Sorry I couldn't build an Earth for you,
I'm Sorry that the sky had to be blue,
As though there were no better colours,
I can still remember the way your shoulder shudders,
The cold wind touching on you as I lend you my jacket,
Maybe this is my life's package,
To roam a world without you.
I miss you,
The way a butterfly misses its former self,
The way a ******* addict misses help.
I missed you,
And now I miss you.