I remember the first time
I fell in love
Unconditionally
Caught up in a sudden change
Of the atmosphere
Trapped in the perilous mood swings
Of the universe
With its unforgiving glow
Speckled diamonds
Drunken beauty
The night sky,
Dripping from the solar system
And drenching the Earth
In it's everlasting nostalgia

Darling night,
I'll never know of love
If I can no longer feel you
Between my fingers
You fill the empty spaces
Like a secret lover
hidden
in bed sheets and liquor drawers
I search for you everywhere
Finding you in places
you don't belong
Like a child
in a candy store
Or an addict
in a mental ward
I find myself lost in you
But not wanting to be found
quite yet


You are the dance I'll never learn
The poem I'll never understand
The inconsistent mix of right and wrong
But I love you just the same
I'll never be able to reach you

You are meant to be free

Even when you gripped my heart
So tight
That it turned into star-dust
And scattered everywhere
On that dark canvas

I hope you can feel me too

When you glisten
With those explosive diamonds
Those brilliant flashes
Of ecstasy
I like to believe
You are signaling
to let me know
That you’re still there
And that you’ll always be there
Even when I'm not
The cosmos are all
Too knowing
But I am
Far too oblivious

So
Unravel me
Sing me your sweet song
Drown me
In your melancholy
Dearest night,
Hold me close
And never let go
For the ubiquity of you is forever

it's 2 am
you are laying
beside me
fast
asleep

when you are
near me
i can still hear
the passing storm
in your
heartbeat
feel the meadows
in your
smile

and darling
i don't think
i have ever
heard
something
so breathtaking

but i swear
sometimes
i
can still
feel
the loneliness
in your
touch
the screams
in your
kisses

they are
ambulance sirens
warning signs
tocsins
yelling
at me
to
evacuate
as quickly
as possible

and darling
i don't think
i have
ever
heard
something
so
frightening

IT WASN'T JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT WHEN YOU LEFT
THE HANDS ON THE CLOCK STOPPED MOVING
OR
THAT YOUR MOTHER CALLED
ASKING FOR YOU
WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S BEEN GONE
FOR TWO YEARS
YOU WERE LIKE THE OCEAN TIDES
ALWAYS PULLING ME IN
AND PUSHING ME BACK OUT
I WANTED TO DROWN IN YOUR INFINITY
NOT KNOWING YOU WERE MORE LIKE A TSUNAMI
UNFORGIVING AND RUTHLESS
I WANTED TO BE THE ONE WHO MADE YOU TREMBLE WHEN YOU HEARD MY NAME
BUT INSTEAD
IT IS ME
WHO CAN'T STOP SHAKING AT THE THOUGHT OF YOUR LAUGHTER
CAN'T STOP SCREAMING AT THE THOUGHT OF YOUR VOICE
I THINK I CAN HEAR GOD LAUGHING AT ME
EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH LOUDER
WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE
IF THESE PILLS AND BOTTLES WON'T BRING YOU BACK
ATLEAST I'LL FORGET YOUR TASTE
DARLING PLEASE COME BACK
PLEASE COME BACK

people hate the idea of
vir-gin-i-ty
they hate not losing
for some reason
being a ****** makes you
some sort of
***** or
loser or
an outcast
but they like to forget a lot of us
have already lost
other things that are
much more important than ***
things like our
sanity or
humanity or
even our ******* keys
but the people who are
lucky enough to be born without
any of those
things in the first place are
the real winners
nothing to gamble
nothing to lose
not having to play
this horrible game
of chance
waiting to see who
gets ******
first

i remember that night
we snuck into
the abandoned house
next door
with my father's liquor
and your mother's cigarettes
after we had too much
to drink
you took a drag
and finally spoke
"how cruel
is it
for someone
to leave
just like that
and never
come back"
it wasn't until morning
when i realized
you weren't
talking
about
the building