Do you want to see
my collection of knives?
Jim asked
sure

I said
so he went
into his
ground floor flat

and I sat
on the grass
outside
his bedroom window

cleaning my
6 shooter gun
with my handkerchief
here

Jim said
have look
at this beauty
and he handed me

a narrow bladed knife
with an eagle
on the handle
and German script

on the blade
Meine Ehre Heisst Treue
what does that mean?
I asked

Dad said it means
my honour is loyalty
Jim said
I ran a finger

along the blade
it was still sharp
it's an SS knife
he said

I handed him
back the knife
and off he went
to get another

this one
had a curved blade
be careful
of the blade

Jim said
it's very sharp
I bet that's taken off
many a head

he said
sliding his thumb
under his throat
what kind

of knife is it?
I asked
it's a Gurkha
combat knife

he said
he took
that knife away
and brought back

a knife with
a knuckleduster handle
what the hell is this?
I said

taking the knife
into my hands
and turning it over
it's an Aussie

fighting knife
Jim said
could have
slit open a ***

he said
I tried not
to think of that
but looked

at the knuckleduster handle
and imagined
a man's hand
and fingers there

at one time
I handed Jim
back the knife
and he went

back inside
there were voices
coming
from Jim's room

and Jim's old man
came to the window
and said
don't tell no one

what you've seen Benny
Jim should
have known better
and backed off

into the room
I looked
at my 6 shooter
in my lap

Jim came
along the grass
back from the flat
sorry about that

he said
Dad has this thing
about knives
and such

he helped
open up
Belsen camp
and saw too much.

Gefen said
that girl you like
that one
who stinks somewhat

and looks as if
she slept in a barn
is in the girl's bog-house
crying

I looked at him
and flicked
my cigarette card
against the wall

of the playground
it wasn't near enough
to win I didn't think
why's she crying?

I asked
how the ****
would I know
he said

just saw her go in
and heard the sobbing
I watched
as another kid

flicked his card
near touch the wall
and fall
ok you win

I said
and walked up the steps
from the playground
and walked

to the bogs
and listened
with ear to the door
that you Enid?

I asked
no it's Coleman
what do you want?
I said nothing

and wandered off away
and there was Enid
by a window
what's up?

I said
she looked at me
through smeary glasses
not here

she said
not what here
I said
I can't say here

ok where then?
I said
so she beckoned me
to follow her

along a dank passageway
(there were many)
until we came
to where the cleaners

kept their brooms
and buckets
and such stuff
and she sneak inside

and pulled me in
beside her
well?
I said

sniffing the air
of disinfect
and soap
and yesterday's clothes

can't sit properly
she said
and she lifted
her dull grey dress

to reveal a red weal
along her thigh
and beyond
it hurts when I sit

and I can't say why
and it hurts to sit
she lowered her dress
and looked at me

red eyed
and dripping nose
your old man?
I asked

she nodded
and looked around
the small room
her eyes vacant

say you've got a boil
on your backside
and ask for a cushion
I did last term

when I had boils
on mine
she looked unsure
really?

yes really
I said
I'll ask
old ma Murphy

if you like
she's got loads
of cushions
Enid looked at me

her eyes dull
as dishwater
ok
she said

she kissed my cheek
and followed me out
and along
to Murphy's room

uncertain
and unhappy
as if facing
death and doom.

I don't know what to write.
My inspiration to has left me.

Just like everything else in this world,
but few;
But even those few,
Leave occasionally.

I've been riding my bike with the seat stolen for months. I've cut down the time that nicotine washes over
my gums to two times a day.
I'm on my way out to a four year
university for the second time
and reduced my drunkenness
to three days a week
it might be tongue in cheek to believe
I'm healed and ready to venture on
but I'm at least going strong despite
everything I've done and seen. My phone screen gleams with a fresh text
"Just for the record, there is nothing I
don't like about you." screen shotted,
only a hands reach away from my pocket, that text might as well be
in a locket

My downstairs neighbor got evicted,
he gave me a charm to keep away evil spirits, hung it right on my door. Acceptance from a few time aqaintance
had never felt so good. We stood and smoked stoge after stoge, swapping stories, who would have thought two stories and a noise complaint to meet a Pisces just like me, and have him call me a saint. That *****, quivered on the air followed by I don't care, a high five, and a see you around. Drop the stoge to the ground, stamp it out, peace out.

My nights have gotten longer, my body no stronger. A foul air soils my apartment, stale cigarettes, my beer breath. Sleep doesn't bless me unless my brain is tricked, altered. Faltering footsteps due to shin splints, a spot of blood on the white wall by my bed from my arm. I gave up ****** harm long ago, or so I thought. It's just different now, I don't cut or burn, but I get drunk and fall, let people put out stoges on my back, fist fight for fun. Jeff said I'm a *******, and **** maybe I am one. I'd say I'm a mess even though I'm on track, pay my bills, work hard at my job. Hell, to the rest of the world I'm on my way up to the top, but to me...to me I'm a hazard, a ***** mop, a wreck. All I can think is that my own hands are getting tighter and tighter around my neck

I like the way
Your hair flops in your face
And you get mad at me
For laughing at you
I like the way
You tend to show up when I need you most,
Even if I don't know it.
I like the way
You never listen
But you're always on que.
I like the way
We hate the same people.
I like the way you breakdown
Because it let's me know it's ok
If I do, too.
I like the fire in your eyes when your angry
And the softness of your thoughts
That I can feel
No matter where you are
So please don't worry about the oceans
I am here for you always
Because it's so simple!
I love you
And all your perfect little quirks.
So,
Why not?

She was like some kind of velvet
pulsating underneath my touch.
Those sweet reverberations.
Both searching for a mane to clutch.
Bound by lust
and bound by yearning.
The soothing of the carnal beast.
She wraps her legs around my smile
then quivers as I start to feast.

this: when your stomach
                                     hurts,
and you can't remember why you were ever happy and
           nothing is really even important,
                           especially yourself;
and you just sleep because you can't cope
                                                 and the sky is so beautiful,
but you can't feel sun dripping on your skin,
         and your bones are numb with electricity,
                             but it's just rubber,
               and you can't do anything,
ANYTHING.
           anything, because you're you and nobody else can be you,
       and the world is there to look at, so full of pretty things,
but, why look?

and it doesn't matter if there's somebody or nobody
                                                                or everybody, by your side,
because it's just this permanent moment
                           when the sharpness in your body is a droplet:
           it hits the ground and wrenches itself into shapes,
         patterns that coalesce,
      you are enraptured, the sight is burning
    into your retinas the emptiness that is
being.
   the glacier that is your soul tills white light and branches out,
      this creature that is cold and full,
               folly with soft ears and sharp teeth.

                             *****
                 patches of grass
         the birds are landing in your branches now
       congregational hazards
     social anxiety
       disillusioned, giving in
  but you don't mind the rest, there's only:
-you're on earth, and
-she's a star, and

stellar beings never come closer.

not for a moment.
they enjoy all views, from afar;
             witness your retching in a
          sad spectrum slideshow
       the bile spills out, tumbling
       across the sidewalk made
     out of her tied veins
   she is no god
we are free
   be empty
listlessly dragging stones
be empty