the minute i felt the gentle breeze brushing against my skin from between the dusty rocks, i fell into a daze
a dream almost,
the dream where that one thing you desperately needed was in your between your fingers, begging, just aching for you to capture it
and the minute you close your fist to hold it, it vanishes - like a cloud of smoke
you awake, and all that is left is a fist clutching the sheets
gone before you could comprehend what it was

maybe it was a feeling, maybe it was the dripping beauty that saturated my thoughts every time my eyes fluttered open,
almost as if my mind didn't believe we were still there
believed that we were still dreaming

and maybe, maybe it was the idea that this was a single place in the world where i would never feel sadness.
maybe i was in love with the idea that the beauty and soft purple flowers growing out of dust could heal my worried and tired soul

when the desert sun rose on that Thursday spring morning, i brushed my teeth, and shrugged on the same shorts i had worn the entirety of the road trip
bell rock was the hike we would make
red powder built on my shoes as the wind pushed my sticky bangs around my forehead, and i stopped to look at the names, intitals and hearts scratched into the rock,
i thought about how proud the rocks must be, for people carved the letters of their name into them, just hoping, praying that a place this beautiful would remember them;
i thought, maybe they hoped that the part of them that carved their name along with their lovers would always be stuck in Sedona, smack dab in the middle of that lone desert paradise
while sitting on the top of bell rock, the red stone underneath me, cold and raw on my bare thighs
i felt the rocks speak
they told me, "do not be afraid, for i have been here before souls were poured into humans, i have lived long before you and i will live long after you, my dear; do not be afraid"

the mountains have eyes, i can sense it
they feel every snowflake wet,
and every hiking shoe dry,
loving, and embracing the beautiful home they created
and as for me, well, i wanted to be one too
i wanted to stand, and listen to the hum of the buzzing highway below,
and the hawks in the sky above
in the cool air of the desert
for the rest of eternity

she's the girl who blushes every time you stare at her a little too long.
she's the girl whose laugh is contagious & whose hair is always a little tangled.
she's the girl with a real smile & freckles that fill her cheeks & nose.
she's the girl who cries at night wondering why her life is so messy.
she's the girl who counts the stars & makes wishes on shooting comets.
she's the girl who loves too much & forgives too easily.
she's the girl who always gets hurt & yet continues on like a soldier.
she's the girl you'll find reading a book until 3 am.
she's the girl whose heart is broken into pieces & stitched up by her own hands.
she's the girl who will leave your clothes smelling sweet.
she's the girl who will love you with every inch of her body.

she's the kind of girl who will give you her heart, so please handle with care.

Black crow why do you
Sing of fear louder
Than you breathe
The soft embrace of non existence
Is comforting beyond hope
And your hope is
Berried so deep underneath
Scraps of sharp memories
And sweat drenched dirt
That step in the direction of
Unknown makes you fall
Before you feel the ground under
The soles of your tired feet
Why don't you leave, dark bird?
Sitting here perched on the windowsill
Ever so unnoticeably
Glancing at the faces of the living
Urning for something
To remind you of
What you thought yourself to be
With not a grain of sympathy
Abusing only to relate
Quiet, bird, don't spill
The effort don't be like those
Accustomed to play the
Assigned roles
This isn't your tree but you may rest here
And I grew accustomed to
Your quiet noises and loud
Silences
I love silences the most
For the wisdom
Of simply coexisting
In proximity
That is always comparative
Always devastatingly far
And dreadfully close
And if I wanted you to go
All I need is ask you to stay