Seeing him causes a pain so acute in my chest I fear that my heart might burst
Seeing him causes a rush of memories that used to be happy but now are filled with regret
Seeing him makes me wonder if I'm a bad person or if it's him
Or maybe it's neither of us at all
Maybe we are just two different types of broken
The types of broken that cannot quite understand each other
Because they are far too broken in their own ways to see anyone else's pain
But I can see his pain
Can he see mine?

A boy who used to be one of the select few people I trust
Gave me more reasons not to trust people
And assume that everyone leaves once they've taken from you what they wanted
Once they've gotten your trust
Once they've gotten your secrets
Once they've gotten your adoration
They find the escape hatch
They reach for the rip chord
And they leave.

I've often felt that people left me for good reason
I'm too loud
And I'm not all that smart
And I'm irritatingly full of love
Full of so much love for anyone who needs it
But when someone leaves I decide I love too much
I push too much
I'm too open, too trusting

Every person
Every single one
Has caused a need in me
To build up walls
To build up an incredible fortress
Because if anymore scar tissue were to cover my heart
I'm positive it would just stop

But it should have stopped with him then I suppose
Because the amount of pain he has caused
With every scornful glance
And every part of a friendship twisted and snapped
Maybe my fortress will be impenetrable now though
Maybe I'll be stronger

But I don't feel stronger
I feel broken
And hurt
And a special sort of lost
Because I know exactly where I am
But it's not at all where I thought I'd be

Is it possible to love with every part of a shattered heart?