I feel your absence early in the morning when my eyes are still closed, i'm still half-dreaming, waiting for you to stretch out your arms and pull me against you. Leaning your forehead into the emptiness between my bare shoulder-blades. I feel it when the colors of sunrise dance across my face and I'm alone. I want to share it with you, but you aren't here. I feel your absence when I say goodbye to an empty apartment, without your voice calling down the stairs. I better wait for you to come down and kiss me before I go. Instead the lock clicks with an assurance that no one else is coming out. I feel it when I get home after a long day, toss my keys on the counter and am greeted with silence you used to fill with "how was your day", "your boss is an *******" "here, have a beer". I feel it when I lay down at night, the sky full of stars glistening in through the window as I stare for hours wondering if you ever think about me before you drift off to sleep.

I feel your absence in my dreams, because you're there and we're happy and together. But even when my dream-self is wrapped in your arms so content with being, subconsciously I know it is not real.

You are not real anymore.