I thought it would matter
to you
if I could pen something


~stunning~

the way you always do,
without complications,
problems, or any thoughts
at all.

I wanted my heart
to talk for me
and my soul
to finally roam the way
it should

~free~

Words don't come so easy,
hearts don't have
voices,
souls don't have wings.

I try and I try
to be something I'm not
so maybe you will
like me...

Nights pass and I dont sleep,
days are for learning things
I'll never use
and creating scars
that might never

~heal~

and maybe then
I will know how you
felt the first time
that you

~fell~

All my pens are out
of ink,
my pencils seem to
be missing their
lead tips and
my computer eats

~thoughts~

the way you used to
when you actually knew
who you were.

Time flies,
I don't know
where I am...
What's today,is it
night or is it day

~again~

Am I alone the way it feels
or are there others
out there
sitting in silence
trying to please

~you~

when everyone knows
that they will

~never~

be good enough
for this monster you
became in the darkness
of the world
and the fear your father
instilled in your veins

~blue~

like the tears
streaming down my
cheeks when you
weren't looking.

Does it matter that I'm
writing this in blood
on my bedroom wall
in hopes someday


~someone~

anyone might see
how much you mean
to me?

I write and I write
nothing sounds good
none of this feels right,
so what's the point it's

~not~

like you'll find this
anyway you never
were the one to seek
out your admirers.

~Anyway~

my dear,
the phone is ringing
as if someone actually
has something they want
to say to me

and my mom is
knocking on the door
asking if I'm alright,
the answer is no
though I won't tell her
that, at least not

~tonight~

Kids are laughing
as they toss rocks in the
street and moths
are tapping on the window
longing to get out

I think I should help
them, after all I
know how it feels
to want something so
much and still know
that it is the thing
that will be your very

~end~

I would say I
love you
though it feels
a it like

~hate~

and I know you're
off in ed somewhere
with a girl who will only
last the night

dreaming of all the
things you have and
wondering why you still
aren't happy.

maybe if you met me
if you gave me a chance,
saw me doing everything
for your

~attention~

and learning to write
the way you do
even though each word
kills another cell
I never really had
to begin with.

~Good~

night, my love,
maybe tomorrow will be
better and you will see
a new path to make you

~happy~

in the mean time
I think
I better go now.

I don't like being your
shadow when its already
a dark midnight of horror,
pain, tears, and a lack
of true

~love~