Withdrawn and disconnected...
From everyone and everything.
I think I need a break...
I just don't think there is help for any of this right now.
Deep inside of me there is this yearning- this deep sadness.
And I have once again withdrawn inside myself.
I feel confused...the person I went to for help can't help me either.  
Nobody understands me.

Hopeless!  

I'm overtaken by hurt, and pain.
And I am now sinking into the darkness-the bad place.
Inside my soul is this realm of darkness,
The endless horror, the familiar hopelessness.

Tonight I hate all of NitaAnn!

No hope for NitaAnn…
Just smile and pretend everything is okay.
  
What's the effing point - it's all a big facade...
They pretend to care and pretend to listen.
I pretend I'm not the most ****** up woman on the face of the earth!

We all know none of that is true!  The jig is up!
I fold...and walk away...
Find a new ****** up person you can 'pretend' to care about!  
Because as we know...
"in the face of expected abandonment -don't you dare reach out - make another choice!"

I will, DT, don't worry...I will...nobody cares...whatever!  

I am FINISHED!  

OH, I'm making a different choice, DT, thanks for the advice!