Oct 2014
I stand here while you smile at me with your cold, perfect smile, acting like nothing is wrong.
As if the most natural thing in the world is shutting out someone you supposedly care about so completely.
I’m happier without you in my life you said.
So why are you here now, playing at pretense?
Smiling with the same eyes that barely even glanced my way while you peeled me apart,
layer by layer, cutting me to the core with the coldness blade of apathy and rejection.
I would rather have suffered under the brunt of your anger, heard your reasons
instead of breaking myself against the wall of silence you built around yourself..
You aren’t so naïve as to think nothing mattered, when you saw every word slam home.
You said it look like you had just taken away my puppy. No, something much more dear to me.
My heart, giftwrapped for you in a shiny new bow, along with my fears, and pain, and loneliness, and a
lifetime's worth of freshly salted tears.
I hope you enjoyed your feast.
So why are you here now? What is it you want from me that I didn’t already give,
only to have you throw it back in my face?
You test me, as if to see if I can hold up under the strain of having you close, but yet not able to touch, to tell you what I really feel.
Because we both know you don’t like my honest side, the reality of us is too much for you,
when all you wanted was to escape your life through pleasant subterfuge.
Do you really think I want to hear how you and he are doing? your wonderful plans for the future?
Or about how to still stay in touch with your last girlfriend, the one you never really ever let go?
What is the goal of this twisted game you play?
I see now what you really wanted to do was hide from yourself.
I was your crutch-now that you can walk again I get put in the closet, until the next time you fall.
I was, and could have been, so much more but you weren’t ready for that.
So we’re back to the beginning, even though it feels much more like prolonging the ending.
A humorless punchline to the joke that our relationship turned into, and that’s not worth my time.
As if the most natural thing in the world is shutting out someone you supposedly care about so completely.
I’m happier without you in my life you said.
So why are you here now, playing at pretense?
Smiling with the same eyes that barely even glanced my way while you peeled me apart,
layer by layer, cutting me to the core with the coldness blade of apathy and rejection.
I would rather have suffered under the brunt of your anger, heard your reasons
instead of breaking myself against the wall of silence you built around yourself..
You aren’t so naïve as to think nothing mattered, when you saw every word slam home.
You said it look like you had just taken away my puppy. No, something much more dear to me.
My heart, giftwrapped for you in a shiny new bow, along with my fears, and pain, and loneliness, and a
lifetime's worth of freshly salted tears.
I hope you enjoyed your feast.
So why are you here now? What is it you want from me that I didn’t already give,
only to have you throw it back in my face?
You test me, as if to see if I can hold up under the strain of having you close, but yet not able to touch, to tell you what I really feel.
Because we both know you don’t like my honest side, the reality of us is too much for you,
when all you wanted was to escape your life through pleasant subterfuge.
Do you really think I want to hear how you and he are doing? your wonderful plans for the future?
Or about how to still stay in touch with your last girlfriend, the one you never really ever let go?
What is the goal of this twisted game you play?
I see now what you really wanted to do was hide from yourself.
I was your crutch-now that you can walk again I get put in the closet, until the next time you fall.
I was, and could have been, so much more but you weren’t ready for that.
So we’re back to the beginning, even though it feels much more like prolonging the ending.
A humorless punchline to the joke that our relationship turned into, and that’s not worth my time.
Not really even a poem--just need to get out what I am dealing with. Not sure what exactly she wants with me, or what i even mean to her anymore. Mostly i'm just tired of being the rejected one. sorry, this doesn't even make much sense to me.
