It's to know you're not sad,
because you have no reason to
especially when you had a good day today;
and that the thoughts aren't yours
but it's in your head
you can't stop hearing it
and sometimes it makes you cry
sometimes it makes you feel nothing
and then you lie on your bed
thinking it's another day without doing your work
because when you lift up your pencil,
your hand trembles
and you feel weak

And it's not like this everyday,
usually you'd go for days, weeks, even months
without these thoughts

but then you suddenly can't breathe,
and then you'd feel that the weight of your heart
is something you can't carry,
and then you cry for no reason.
You feel like you've been hit by a truck,
and it hurts.

that's why you want it to end,
but you don't want to stop breathing


but it feels like it's the only way out.