The world around me: Day after day it looks the same. I hear the noise of the workers drilling in the basement and watch people doing their business. Here or anywhere other, it's the same.
Sometimes I think I am trapped. Trapped in former decisions; decisions which always tend to reveal their full impact later. I think about the mistakes I made and regret - what futile task as past always stays past, petrifying words yelled and unspoken.
I'm not ungrateful - given my past suffering. I'm not moaning - given freedom from my former pain. I'm not unhappy - given that I was already happier tough. I'm not doing nothing - given that it may look different to you.
Finally I got rid of this **** anxiety, which haunted me from my first days at school to my last job, these devastating thoughts of having to be better than everyone, of being more, of deserving more they just ate away at my soul tearing myself apart before hyenas did their part.