"Don't punish yourself with boys, sweetheart" She says to me over and over to try and calm me down when i called her at 3 in the morning crying so hard that i couldn't breathe, only able to mutter "I didn't want to" through muffled screams And I thought to myself, Why would i punish myself with ***? But now i'm sitting here again at 3 in the morning doing things i do not want to do.