I don't want my friends to understand me.
I don't want them to understand my pain and 'know how I feel'.

I want them to stutter at a loss of words when I cry in their
arms because I'm so tired of how I feel.
I want them to get angry because I can't shower myself and
I want them to tell me it's stupid how I feel so sad for no reason.
I don't want them to understand when I rip myself apart over a person and
I shake in front of them because I won't stop bleeding,
I want them to ask me why I have to be like this and apologise
how they can't help me because they don't get it,
they say they don't understand mental illness and they think it's dumb.

Because if they understand

then that means they'll have felt it.