i only want one of two things,
  **** whatever else the world brings.
to be with her forever
  laughing along whichever whatever
    changing challenges into our favorite weather
or not to exist,
  a popped cyst
    melted into the mist

fire always burns
  but it only hurts if you can still feel
frost also burns
  but why care if you've no heat left to steal

The One,
  do you comprehend my words,
The One,
  ******* understand what you heard,
The One left me,
  think you can touch that agony?

i novaed my way along
  the first few days of forever
i glowed my giddy song,
  even when sharing mundane whatever
i exploded with her into where we belong
  when we were on an adventure

one day with The One
one night with The One
  was wonder untold
    never to grow old

the next & the next & the next,
  each somehow better than the rest
(which should be impossible
  given each's penultimate wonderful)

but blessed became cursed
  and now each new day is the worst

i was walking hand-in-hand with happiness
  now running begging towards emptiness
but i cannot escape this agony
  cuz it's the cancer inside of me

and it's all my fault,
  my failure fault.
not what i could have been
                  should have been
as a boyfriend
  or a companion

just a loser lover,
  and the judge was not miserly
    sentencing my misery

did i happen to mention
that i found lose in my ultimate win
and far too far before forever
  The One
    threw away her clinton....

the blood-soaked splinters
  of my broken heart
drip screams into my dreams
  that never stop once they start

the mirror-shard memories
  of my shattered soul
reflect what once was perfect
  now whole only as a hole

both are buried barely breathing
  in an eternal fetal curl
fantasizing about an end upon which they depend
  romanticizing any means to meet that end

picturing the gun
  (their new bestest friend)
with its whispered promises
  of pain finally none
    and never misses.

as i am imagining its caring companion
  (which whistles thru the wind)
streaking seeking to blow my mind
  & on its exit make my pain none,
sweet bullet so kind!

i want to kiss it
               caress it
shower it with its favorite flower,
  give it the champagne of my brain

but although my plea is loud,
  this is not for me allowed.
Carla sent her life into hollow,
  and i cannot let me follow

i was born
  i laughed
  i cried
    the former much much more

years after first torn
  i still laughed
  i still cried
    the former still somewhat more

then i met my miracle
  and present & future were immediately wonderful
    with surface & every single level beautiful
and i smiled & laughed & sighed & swooned
  and whispered & whistled
    with US the tune

then i ****** up
  & she gave up
and i may occasionally laugh
  but mostly i cry
    the latter now infinitely more

Shannon & i kissed souls
  but i murdered our miracle
now all i can do is wait
  and beg it to reincarnate