you're a tad bit different from me
more outgoing, more open to dreams
you're an updated version of myself
that's why i told you that i admired you
you were who i aspired to be
and that's weird to say
but you inspired me
you still do although you carry a feeling of dislike
whenever a thought of me pops up in that complex mind of yours
but there's another side of you that i wouldn't like to be
the dark place
that you're so engulfed in and don't know how to get yourself out of
and you wouldn't let me in
that's why we didn't work
and you didn't see that i wasn't just supposed to be another infatuation
we were supposed to last but it takes two to make it happen
maybe you'll come back to me and maybe we'll enclose into one
and maybe you'll realize that i wasn't an infatuation all along
but maybes aren't guaranteed
and i'm waiting on that possibility
that may never come
looking at my phone and hoping to get a text from you
something from you
how are we on bad terms
how
i only wanted the best for you
i felt what you felt
i cried when you cried
i cried because you cried
i want you to be better
but those words i said to you never seemed to hit you
and spark anything
like the words you said to me sparked me
this wasn't supposed to be an infatuation
it wasn't supposed to end
at least it wasn't supposed to end badly
i still want you
and you've probably moved on so swiftly to the next
i don't fully understand you
you always kept me so curious
and still do
but this wasn't infatuation
as you pushed me against the car
you asked me what i was thinking
and i said i couldn't imagine myself with anyone else
you said "really?" with a soft smile
i immediately thought
"you're such an idiot he doesn't feel as strongly as you do"
and that was true although at the time i didn't know the words
that slipped out of my mouth
as if i didn't need to think twice about it
but ever since i told you i couldn't imagine myself with anyone else
i believed it more and more
until you suddenly stopped
everything
like i never meant a thing
like all the things you said were just a big pile of lies
and in that moment i felt worthless to you
and i probably am to you
i could of took care of you
but you didn't let me do that
and although i'm young
i knew what i was feeling and there was no denying it
but now i have to deny these feelings
or else i won't get over you
but at the same time i don't want to move on
because i still want you
and i'm still holding onto that maybe
i'm still holding onto that possibility
i still mean it when i say i can't imagine myself with anyone else
please
i'm desperate for all that you gave me
i want every piece of you
the good, the bad, the ugly
but you denied me
baby i want you
but you don't want me
but baby
**it's your loss