When I was younger
I looked at my window
and saw an escape.
A chance to get away from this hell
a way to end it all, my life wasn't going to well.

As I aged
I developed attachments to fictional characters
filling a void created by how I felt.
A fear of death stopped certain acts
and the feeling of happiness disappeared.

Today I cry to sleep,
lying to those closest to me,
hiding how I really feel
not happy but sad.
I get emotionally pressured into doing things for others,
I have very little sleep.
My heart rate increases at any disturbing noise.
The happiness I felt as a child is now buried deep.

Gradually things have been getting harder.
Dealing with friends and family,
trying to remain stable and sound minded
my mind fighting but is left divided.
Do I keep fighting and searching for that happiness
or do I give up and allow time to do its damage?