I said no when my doctor asked me if I had suicidal thoughts
Cause for me it's never been like it is in films

I've never pictured it as a circle of blood around the drain hole

It's not a dramatic shot of my feet kicking off a stool a struggle and silence

It's not a freeing pose into the wind

It's not a collection of words to express my apology for the last time

It's not an artistic shot of 50 pills out of the bottle

It's always looked like walking out
A mundane, anti climactic, boring image
It feels tedious because it's been a routine for months
There's a difference between dying and committing suicide
You die long before you commit suicide