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halioth Jan 27
I envy empty pages
So stainless and pure
From every kind of knowing
My fear of being found out
And my hunger for being understood
Has fueled my sensual addiction before
Dumping me into the darkest pit of
Schizophrenia
Well now I’m cured
But of all the wrong things
For my loneliness is bigger
And my fear follows me around
I’ve become more deviant
Saying and doing what I don’t mean
I want to be myself, but I can’t
Even when my darkest threat is gone
So many shadows are lurking around
halioth Jan 27
Who shall I run to?
Life is creating free choices for me
And telling me to take it, this is my path
I’m wallowing in a self-sabotaging territory
Pleading with myself, to do something about it
A need to be seen, to be accepted, to be held
A need to also remove the importance from myself
A need to be beautiful and shallow
And not go through as many philosophies in my head each day
A need to write and not be anxious about it
I’m in a cage and it’s getting smaller
I’m in denial of my own fate
Why me? Why so? Why this?
Why do I have to see everything so clearly?
The knowing, bothersome by the days
The concealing, revealing
I want to cry till I’m no longer sorry
halioth Jan 15
my bludgeoned heart bleeds
my soulful mind pleads
my aching eyes scarlet
like the fire in my lungs
makes it hard to breathe

love is, and always will be
like a fatal car accident
this time I didn’t survive it
with no peace to rest in
I know you are hurting deep inside
The pain is to much to bear
Life struggles
Hold on through tough times
Time will eventually heal.
But now your heart is broken
It needs tender love and care.
Each piece gently put back together
You need to search your heart
Let the anger go
But don't loose heart
Hold onto God with all your heart .
halioth Aug 2020
God
to grow, we will have to outgrow
because we start small in everything
body and mind
our experiences widen
so does our heart
and to find God,
we’ll have to find Ourselves



If there’s only 1 God
then that will have be you for now.
halioth Jul 2020
I’m starting to recognize the awareness
that my very essence,
is to become a well rounded person
when I’ve finally unshackled from the chains of indulgences that are only to my detriment
I’m ready to becoME.
  Apr 2020 halioth
Timothy
Trust the process
Until the process betrays
It once was my friend
Now changed is its ways

It all sounds so great
Until flipped is your fate
Did the process betray
Or did I simply lose faith
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