How do you tell your heart to beat again, when it’s been numb and broken for so long? How do you start living life when all you have done for so many years is go through the motions and try to survive? How do you tell people around you that think you’re doing wonderful, that inside your hurting and not sure how to find God in the midst of the pain?

I have been sort of numb to life the last few months...because the emotions became too much to bear it was easier to pretend and try to forget if only for a few moments....

But deep down inside, I really want to live this abundant life that Jesus bought for me, when He paid the price on the Cross. I really want to walk with my God through the journey of healing, so that I can become the person, He has seen me as, since before I was born. I want to believe I am worthy of love, and that I am beautiful and breathe taking to my Creator.

I know one day I will get to that place and when I do it will be so amazing and this journey I am on will have been well worth it.....

Although right now there are a lot of questions, and a lot of doubts, and many sleepless nights, and tears cried.

For right now I remember the story in Matthew, where it talks about a man who asked Jesus to heal his son, And he told Jesus, “Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief"...

So today I am choosing to say "Lord, I believe in You and I trust that you are holding me in this and that You will continue to walk with me through all of this, but I ask that you help me in my areas of unbelief and doubts...in Jesus Name...Amen"