today i was hidden behind change
behind little things like
nail polish and a hair cut
(everyone says the hair cut is a big thing)
but tomorrow what can i hide behind
besides lies and a china doll grin
and sunglasses to hide when my eyes
get watery from feeling too much
and i can hide behind my bangs and my hands
but i am still there
and i can still be found
i can hide in the ceiling because someone in it cares
for me
but i am hidden behind a wall of demons
of sins who keep people out
of my heart and soul
and mind
oh my mind
if anyone found the true thoughts in my
mind
they would send me away
again
and i would no longer be hidden
i would be in white
not in the darkness i call home
and all the time people would stare at me
and poke and **** and pull and push
like that man who hides himself
in a stuffy room
in nightmare ville
that place that smelt like the ocean when it rains
and blood and sweat and insecurity
and sounded like sniffles and muffled shouts
and screams but only i heard those
and it tasted like sadness and fear and electricity
and it felt like a blanket a wet blanket
that suffocated me
they'll poke and **** and push and pull me like
the man who hides there did
if i come out of hiding
so i wont.
i will stay hidden
i am hidden
except for now. now i am showing, but now i am leaving.

r.c.