Am I losing hold? In a hurricane thought storm Little deaths on the television Remind me of my inactions
Said I’d even myself Out, after giving into self Doubt. Unstable, leaning toward self Harm, while the world tumbles itself Round
Bitter at my own lack Feel the fire dying in my breath While the world Burns and breaks and blisters in a growing wreck
Did my stutter break another heart? Did my whisper **** that child? Too quiet for him to hear the reason I searched for myself, at sixteen
Is every stilted thought, wasted potential / opportunity To better myself, better the world, And every person I'll ever meet?
I will not let Hesitation Separate Soul from body Ever again
I am not lifeless I am not cruel I will not be a bystander I swear
I am not lifeless I am not cruel I will not be a bystander I swear Ever again
10:35pm, March 12th 2014
1) I've been marred by hesitation. Fear. I've let opportunities slip past, friends drift away, feelings die. I need to be fearless, not just for my own wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of others. There are so many people in need, physically and emotionally. I want to help people. I never want to see another friend die, lose themselves to substance, depression. I want to know I've helped people in countries other than my own as well.
2) I've been feeling increasingly disheartened about my own future. Stupid, selfish, self-entitled thoughts. Some people don't have the luxuries we do. They aren't frozen by indecision. They don't think about how inane 40 hour weeks would be. They have to work to live. They might never realise their full potentials because they'll never be offered a place where their passions can flourish. I have these opportunities, and I swear I will use them to reach others who are not so fortunate.