1.
My head itches with lice
that suck on my XY blood
and with each pierce of the scalp
anchor down the long strands of hair
that cascade down my back and fall
in my face and betray my boy-like
interior.
2.
I watch you and how you know who you are,
as you talk of hormone therapy and chest binders
or bras and wigs and make-up and dresses, and I
begin to cry because you know who you are,
even if the rest of the world does not.
3.
I want to cut my hair,
but I'm afraid my face is just too ugly
to have locks that fall to my ears,
that even short hair won't solve my problems,
won't have the cashier at the drug store call me
"sir".
4.
I'm scared of surgeries,
surgeries that would leave faint scars
beneath my nipples, and allow me to walk
down a beach in trunk and a bare toned chest.
I have my binder but I will never be completely flat.
5.
I think the reason I am so scared
of cutting away the girl in me
is because I do not know
if there is really a boy inside.