A girl climbs on a pole
Dozens of strangers below
She looks so happy
I wonder where this was
Some basement punk show,
Her own gig?
The best night of her life?
And i wonder if she thought of me
Wished i was there too
I wouldn't blame her if she didn't
I know i made her smile like that
At least i hope i did
It’d make other things i made her do
Move to the back of my mind for once
We would have been better friends
We love the same things now
She would be in my band
We would go to concerts in the city
I would be patient, and never hurt her again
The warmth of our love
Like the warmth of twin car wrecks
In the parking lots of hell
If i had been there,
Either night
This wouldn't be my life
Even in this moment I turn the camera capturing her joy to myself
It wouldn't be my life, but mine's not important
Hers was
If only i'd told her that
She’d have her crosses,
Her flannel
Her shirt she gave to me
Because she wanted to swim at our friend’s birthday party
I said i'd be the lifeguard
But i let her drown
I told her to jump of a bridge
Said i hope she'd drown in the park when it floods
I was only a child, what did i know?
Now everyone is gone
Her, our friend, the pool and myself
I’ve become so like her it hurts
I keep dreaming she’s ok
No part of me wants to admit she’s gone
I deleted all our photos
I wanted to forget
I still sort of do
But out of pain, not anger