i don't remember
when i gained consciousness.

i don't remember
when i started to
really feel things
and become a moody
teenager.

i don't remember
much of the years before high school.

just the key memories.

that kid that once asked
"why is that tree naked"
as the leaves started to fall
off of the tree.

my first true best friend
who once gifted me
a quartz crystal --
fake or not,
it  meant a lot.

the teacher i had
in grade four
who made books interesting
for the kids who got bored easy.

the last thing i remember
the most
from those years
would have to be my old house.

i haven't forgotten my last birthday there.

i turned ten,
i got presents the night before
and i saw my grandparents the next day.
i ate my favourite cake.
two big slices for turning double digits.

but the rest?
i hardly remember.

i don't remember my first concert.
i don't remember all the birthdays before ten.
i don't remember all the laughs.
i don't remember those forgotten
and special memories..

i want to.
but i can't.

they're just a blur now.