i do not know what i feel
the void in my heart echoes defeat

all i ever wanted was a loving home
yet nothing seems to catch up to my desire
seems im only getting further away from it

nomatter how much i try to gaslight myself
the truth is always staring me back in my solar
i know what i know yet i can't
if i do, i'll be the one responsible for it

this is all too much to bear alone
my therapists can only do so much, im impatient
i want resolution right now

i just want the same warm arms to consistently feel safe at home.

what if i was never meant to experience this?
and it's just wishful thinking?
will my life only amount to desiring and watching others get it instead?

i did everything right with my heart
yet i feel my life doesn't reflect the depths of my being
what is missing?

my worth, my certainty
they evade me when i need them the most
what will become of me in this timeline?
noway to know but surrender to the flow of life happening as me
so I lament