I knew this early on
But
I put it in a box
I wrapped it
taped it up
Put it as far away as I could
in the back of my mind
I hid this massive box away
under some smaller ones that I was saving for another day

After some time
Eventually
I starting opening the boxes
Began to process what was inside
It came time to look in this specific box
The one that I hid so distantly
As I opened the package
Feelings came jumping out
They came so fast
Worry
Dread
Sadness
and fear

The reality began to dawn on me
I had let him down
I hurt everyone by hiding this package so far away
I didn't want to see
Or remember
Something had began
And I desperately wanted it to just go away
It wouldn't
It won't

Disease only worsens with time
With no one to push him
To show him he's loved
He didn't see the point of trying to get help
I left the box for weeks
That time is endless when you feel so alone
He'd put it behind him
Ready to let time take it's course
I told him I wouldn't bring it up
That it wasn't anyone's business but his own
I told him it was his life
He could do what he chose
I tied it up and threw it in a ******* pile
For days
For weeks

Now I'm awakened
I see this so clearly
I shouldn't have said it wasn't my place
I was selfish and misguided
I let him believe it was fine to ignore this
I let it sit
Let it fester
I didn't show him what his life meant to me
I didn't show him how much I care
I love him so much
Forever
and always
But what is forever when time is passing before your eyes

I sit
I cry
And cry
I can't make up for this time
Where he didn't see my love
I didn't show him the true meaning of the word

Now we'll address it
See what we can do
How bad is it?
What are the options?

My tears are shed
Day after day
Realizing what I've done is hard to bear
Leaving it so long
Not trying until now
I cry
And I cry
And I cry some more

This one thing
This thing I chose to ignore
Unforgivable
Life changing
His life
His future
Our future

Each box I had put out of reach
Even the ones way in the back
Every box was a gift
Something so precious in each
This was the biggest one of all
It wasn't only a gift.
It was
It is
Life.

For now.