sometimes i wish i was
anything but a human being
anything but a creature
that feels everything
on another level
either way too much
or not enough
i’m either on the edge
staring out the window
looking down
trying to run from the flames
and the fire around
or at the very bottom of a low
wondering when the next fall is due
but resting my head
for a moment or two
before it all starts to fall apart again
having to find a way through
to manage how imbalanced
my own coping mechanisms
don’t always work
they cause nothing but
more harm and damage
and yet i appear and show myself
not a single person can guess
what is wrong because
i never give them a reason to
or let them see what goes on
behind the stage
behind the scenes
of a raging storm
invisible enemies
and the battles i daily fight
i hoped that for once
someone would see me
the real me and choose to stay
like i always did with those
who never truly knew me
or cared enough more about me
than what they could get out of me
i still offered love and compassion
they were never worthy of i know
but through thinking i could save them
i was trying to save me
because i don’t know
how to pour all of that into myself
how to give me the very thing
i freely give away to others
not asking for in return..
sometimes i wish i had something
an alive object
that i can place down
all that love into
and watch grow
but it’s never the same as
pouring into another soul..