I live in my own secret world

I think of things that I know are just a fantasy
I often imagine a different reality

I imagine a reality where me and you lasted
Where I didn’t flee from my feelings
And they weren't just blasted away
By my insecurities

I imagine a reality where I get to see you smile
And laugh
Every single day

I imagine a reality where your existence makes my day
And you make me consistently feel okay

I often imagine this reality
Maybe a few times a month
Because I try not to get too lost
Too caught up
In such a fantasy
Because then my feeling may overflow
More than they already do

I know you don't think of this fantasy world
This fake reality
Because I know I hurt you beyond trust
Beyond repair
So I just wish that maybe you'll consider a friendship

But you never do
Because you hate you
And you want me to

But I'll never hate you
And I never have
Because you live in my heart
In my mind
And in my soul
And I don't think I'll ever be able to
Just let these feelings go