lend me your ears
and i will tell you a story

there are truly monstrous
little creatures
running about
WITH TOO MANY ******* LEGS

one night
one of these monsters
revealed itself
to the terror
of its human onlooker

let me explain terror
in this instance
it is a feeling that may or may not
cause one
to literally tear one's clothes off
put on uninfested clothes
and flee the premises

and i mean flee

now i'm not saying
i know someone who would do this
but i heard this story
of a woman
that, in a state of such terror
in a state of such
severe heebie jeebies
tore around town
and screamed "too many legs!"
out her rolled down windows

when this medicine did not
cure said
heebie jeebies
there was truly a sight and sound
to behold

now i'm not gonna lie
it was me, ok?
don't judge
because of this next part
i am very proud

i just sang
my ever loving
heart out
to a 10 mile radius
and i mean i
sang that ****

anyone who hadn't heard
"gorilla" by bruno mars

has now heard it.

and the energy i released
was profound
because i hit that note
*******:

I bet you never ever felt so good, so good
I got your body trembling like it should, it should
You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you
You [3x]

the "you" is the crucial part
and i'm telling you
i just sang the **** out of that song
until i got dizzy
and my fists hurt from pounding the
steering wheel

it gave me enough courage
to re-enter the premises
pop a bottle
grab my laptop
(while doing a little dance of terror)
and jump on the couch

the only problem
is that if you
sing the **** out of "gorilla"
literally 25x
too many legs
becomes the least of your
problems

you realize
quite absurdly
how at the present moment
you are not
making love like gorillas