Sep 28
You accuse me of all the blame,
Ignoring your own mistakes,
Trying to belittle me with words,
"Don't burn the bridge that leads you home."
Once, it seemed you were on my side,
Until things went askew.
You urged forgiveness, yet blamed me
For how everything fell apart.
For 22 years, I held it all in,
My smiles strained and false around him.
I voiced discomfort, but you kept him close,
A room for him always next to mine.
You delight in tearing me down,
"He gets that from you," you said,
When my brother spoke of his pain.
Your love, I question deeply,
Unable to even change your mind
About something as simple as cutting grass.
I find more reasons to resist returning,
I was enslaved by your expectations,
Yet I found the strength to break free.
Returning now, I fear,
Would bind me once more in chains.
Ignoring your own mistakes,
Trying to belittle me with words,
"Don't burn the bridge that leads you home."
Once, it seemed you were on my side,
Until things went askew.
You urged forgiveness, yet blamed me
For how everything fell apart.
For 22 years, I held it all in,
My smiles strained and false around him.
I voiced discomfort, but you kept him close,
A room for him always next to mine.
You delight in tearing me down,
"He gets that from you," you said,
When my brother spoke of his pain.
Your love, I question deeply,
Unable to even change your mind
About something as simple as cutting grass.
I find more reasons to resist returning,
I was enslaved by your expectations,
Yet I found the strength to break free.
Returning now, I fear,
Would bind me once more in chains.
Context: my older "brother" molested me when I was a 3yo child. My mother knew about it and I was expected to bury it for years and years. Finally at (currently) 25 years old, I completely broke down, had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital over it. When I got back home, I was forced into a family meeting with him where he apologize and I was asked if I could forgive him. Which my response was "No". He left and after a few days, I get a text by my mother saying he's homeless thanks to me. I confronted her about the texted, and she told me she didn't want to talk to me and that she was *******. I ended up self harming and going to the hospital. When u came back, he was there and the door to my room was completely removed. I left that house and we only spoke once after one the phone. She told me before we got off the phone "Don't burn the bridge that leads back home".
Context for the brother part: he came home one day when he was little and apparently he was talking about self harm. When I went into the room to see what was going on, she told me that he gets that from me. That happened when I was 14yo.
Context for the brother part: he came home one day when he was little and apparently he was talking about self harm. When I went into the room to see what was going on, she told me that he gets that from me. That happened when I was 14yo.
