i’ve been thinking
a lot
about my life today
and it’s been
making me
feel
pretty ******

i’ve done a lot of ****
i shouldn’t have

i’ve hurt good people

i’ve let my impulses
guide me
into dark corners
i never should have visited

and whenever
i know
i’m doing something
wrong
it makes me feel
heavy guilt
weighing me down

and then i
always tell myself
why
it was wrong
and that
i’m not
going to do it anymore

and then
i don’t
for a bit

enough time goes by
that i forget
how bad i felt
the last time
i did it

and i do something
******
and selfish
again

the cycle
never seems
to be broken

it doesn’t end
it only begins
slightly shifts
and
then
bends

i can’t seem
to be happy
for more than
a few days
(if i’m lucky)
at a time
and whenever
i feel like
“this will be the thing that helps me”
it is usually
far from
something
that will
actually
help me

i just feel like
i’m really bad
at making decisions

i get overwhelmed
thinking
there’s no point
in me
continuing
my life

i do nothing
but make mistakes
and hurt
myself
and the people
who
supposedly
love me