i watch birds fly every day
i watch cars drive every day
i watch planes soar through the sky every day

i watch people falling through the ground every day
a few times a week i see children morph into nightmares
a few times a month i see my friends walk through walls
every so often i can smell a church burning down somewhere

every once in a while everything goes quiet
all the colors around me shift either 4 shades darker or 2 shades lighter
lighter
i want to be lighter
i want to be able to lift off the ground just like the birds

i want to be so light that i can slither through molecules
as thin as a paper

i want to walk through walls
i want to morph into something scarier than my nightmares
i want to remember what it feels like to not be scared of falling through the floor

i want to burn down a church

and then cry and beg for forgiveness at the feet of the lord

i had to, i'm sorry.
it was the only way to feel like he's truly gone.

i want to be high on the feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs.
but i can't find anything that raises me up enough to feel that.
diphenhydramine morphs children into nightmares.
dextromethorphan makes people fall through the ground and walk through walls
the devil himself makes me remember the smell of a
church
        burning
                 down
but i've never seen a church burn down

perhaps it's just my mind manifesting my thoughts into physical sensations