They say that in order to truly hate someone
There had to be a lot of love there to begin with
And I think about the times you would sing to me in the car
How we would dance in the kitchen while cooking dinner
All the times I'd fall asleep with your hand stroking my hair
Those moments were tender and felt so real
But how is it love when you scream in my face
When your words drip venom and your fists are clenched
Love is not violent
Love does not breed hate
I don't know how you can separate the tenderness and the poison
How do I wrestle with two realities at the same time
I struggle often with my own guilt
I never wanted to hurt you
How do you sleep at night
With the memory of your hands around my throat
How were they the same hands that tussled my hair at night
The same hands that cupped my sweaty face after birth
The same hands that softly grip our daughter's
In case you're wondering I can't sleep at all
Some say we become obsessed with our abuser
How can we not
Survival mode does crazy things to our minds
I'm tired of the madness