My (ex) mother in law says She loves me, she won’t say any more but worries I’ll miss her boy one day in the future. I was his pride and joy.
My mother says maybe the women of the past tried harder. Is there anything to rescue, women must try harder than men.
I haven’t worried about missing him; until now. The relief has felt so liberating. Relief from that pressure to carry it all, do it all, with a smile, without love. A smile, a gesture, care my way would have been fuel for a year, but the silence felt suffocating.
I’d rather love myself than smile and pretend that I’m loved by the husband in my bed. For our kids, for me, I’m better alone.
Now, though, that worm in my ear. Will I regret this more next year? More than the grief of this family broken?
I cannot see that I will. Joy is breaking through; but — What do I do with this worm?
My mothers. Make me worry about my choices; but oh my goodness I’m finally making progress and I feel so much lighter and able to heal.