Jan 2021
i dont think you understand
the quiet turmoil in my mind
every second feels like an hour
and every hour feels like nine
im spiraling
falling down the rabbit hole
of what not to do, what not to be
what not to think, what not to dream
i romanticize the darker things
the ugly things, the crueler things,
the taboo aspects of life
im fixated on you
as an answer to all questions,
as an end to all my strife
you are my biggest secret,
my fondest promise,
my disheartening delight,
my comfort in the unknown,
and my conclusion of the night
as much as i hate to say it
youve always brought me the most
fellow feelings,
the most solace,
and the most reassurance
you are always my last option,
you are the devil on my shoulder
its a sad thing, really
that you will ultimately be the end of me.
the quiet turmoil in my mind
every second feels like an hour
and every hour feels like nine
im spiraling
falling down the rabbit hole
of what not to do, what not to be
what not to think, what not to dream
i romanticize the darker things
the ugly things, the crueler things,
the taboo aspects of life
im fixated on you
as an answer to all questions,
as an end to all my strife
you are my biggest secret,
my fondest promise,
my disheartening delight,
my comfort in the unknown,
and my conclusion of the night
as much as i hate to say it
youve always brought me the most
fellow feelings,
the most solace,
and the most reassurance
you are always my last option,
you are the devil on my shoulder
its a sad thing, really
that you will ultimately be the end of me.
id like to note that this poem is a testament of my relationship with depression, specifically the thoughts of suicide that comes with it. it is not a glorification of the act, but merely a juxtaposition between my personification of a dark topic depicted through a poetic lense. suicide is not beautiful, and if you find yourself feeling such a way, know and believe that everything gets better with time and faith. you are loved ♡︎.
