as i walked past our old apartment
on another cold Saturday
every time I walked this path home from work
came flooding back at once
and i so desperately wished
i could run past the train tracks
through our complex
and up the stairs
back to the first experience i had living on my own
so that maybe
i could go back in time four years
and not repeat the disgusting mistakes
of my young adulthood

this time, I caught myself before the painful longing consumed me.
i have the same chances now that I did then.

new home.
new best friend.
new job.

i could easily fall back in patterns and make the same poor choices.
or, now bear with me here.
i could do everything right.

I just have to work for it.