One day, I will wake up with the dreadful realization that I have spent my youth following the rules of my strict, conservative, religious parents. And despite my love for them, I will look back at my teenage years reliving one mistake. Dating a boy who used me. I would have learned from that mistake. I would have grown form it.
But I will still look back, wondering why I haven't gone out as much. Why I stopped making friends. Why I never partied. Why I never did anything spontaneous. Why the night before dyeing my hair purple I decided to cancel my appointment so I could avoid facing the disapproval from my parents. Once again.
It is hard to be the child of a dyeing nation. A nation that is glorified for pride and honor. But where sexism and homophobia exists.
I will remain the brown haired girl that stays at home and studies on a Friday night. That spends her Saturdays reading books about the life she will never experience. Hoping that she dies before realizing that her life has been a waste.
November 28, 2020 #136
I have disappointed her once, and I will not do it again.