dying to see you is like watching glass shatter in front of your eyes
You jump when it breaks
You’re scared when it shatters
You may even be cut by the shards of glass
But at least you can see through the open space clearer than before
The sun is bright and the stars still shine but but by bit
The dying you feel is to feel yourself breathe loud enough so he can’t hear your heart cry anymore
I can’t help but reach for you in the night
I still wait for you to walk through the door just like you did before
I wish it wasn’t so hard to have kept you
And so easy to let myself push you away
I loved you
I love you
if love is blind and hearts are made to be broken
can’t we blink throughout the cries and tell ourselves the time we spent away leaves the hatch on my door always open
Don’t close the entrance of your mind to me
Or at least lie to Me
tell me it’s over like my heart doesn’t beat to hear the words you’ve spoken
Tell me the same things you did in the start
Let me relive all of the best **** parts
Remind me to look through memories in different glasses and then I’ll get that the love we shared never really happened
I was used, you claimed the abuse and I apologised until I was blue
You were loved I gave everything up
There is no one else
the hole in my heart and my belly where our bond would’ve grown manifests itself like a knife to the bone
Watch me bleed and then watch the scars heal before you leave as if you can’t let go when You feel unease
Close your eyes picture me
Watch it set in stone the way you would have grown apart
And ‘how  could you do this to me?’
Please don’t tell everyone the things I said if my words are left to lingers like
The figure of you in the hall
and the ache of my want on the end of my fingers telling me you made me whole
captivate my mind and make me hate you
Like I can’t help myself but play a song on repeat by a drugged up depressed rapper who’ll die too young to leave a legacy
Ill tell you know I can’t help but listen and relate
as if I wish I could put that same fate on this
Life that I hate
it’s like an addiction
The dopamine in my brain makes me want to scream the chemical imbalance too unstable just to see that I came last on your list
Of people to see
And places to be
I hope you cry without me
I hope you choke
Throw me out
Come on make me shout make me scream this silence is so deafening
you break my heart and I let
You in you still hold the door
Open that
You’re
Closest before I get the chance to ring
breaks in communication make me want to sing
like the signal was lost through blurred lines and you can hear me through the wind
Sending my love
Through wires from pillar to post, the time when I hired you as the person I loved the most
The main host
a catalyst in my story called
‘Men already make me scared and then you became by ghost’
I should be sorry
Or be hit by a lorry
it’s the knocking at the door that I’ll never hear and the smell of burning toast
the way your coat drowned you in it and I drowned in you the most
hey if you stay can you tell me how to go
How to live without you
How to not let it show
From the day I captured your eyes
The times we got high
then you said your goodbye with little but no reason
do your drugs pretend your fine move on
Change the season
Remembering you were vulnerable and beyond liaison
but don’t tell me you’re the one whose hurt when I can’t step into my room or sleep on my bed or eat for days on
I’m not hungry
Only for you
I’m not tired
Not of you
I’m not enclosed by our space it’s that I want you close and I miss your face
And the saddest part is the part where you loved me in a way where you never truly did