Anxiety.
Shes taken so much from me.
I placed her on people
And situations.
But it was simply her and I,
Our voices shaking.

From the beginning,
I tried to escape her.
But she was so rooted
Inside of me.
My only release
Was to turn it all off
And trust the ground
In front of me.

Simple things,
Simple moments,
Became nightmares
And real fears
To look someone in the eyes
And try so hard to feel
absolutely
nothing

I could say it was the loss
I could say it was that night
But its not true

On the best day
With the best people
She tells me
I'll never be enough

And I can feel it,
I feel her right now.
Its the only way she let's herself out
I breathe
Steadily
Unsteady
My heart races
And slows
So that I start to feel sick
And you're looking at me
Wondering
What the hell im thinking
And I just want you to see
That I'm strong
But she's winning
As I sink
And I plan for her arrival
I look for the softest ground to land on
I try to inhale the fresh air
Until it fills my lungs
But the room starts to fade
And I know its her time
I count to 10
But usually don't make it to 5
And when I wake
To faces I've never known
They look away and laugh
And I just wish I was home.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And fight the urge to explain myself
to the people that can't see her.