The first time they said I was suicidal
It hurt much
Felt like  a lost kid
Thought my last minutes  were seconds to go
It hurt much
Tears couldn't well up
Words couldn't form
Honestly truth hurts

The first time they said I was suicidal
Already saw it coming though
The smile hid much than they could see
Cried on the silent nights
Whispered  wishes to my love
Held onto the pillar he built

The first time they said I was suicidal
Felt like second to me
Plus the nights spend pleading for a new world
A world with a no-human logo
When I held a knife to my dear-chest and thought this is it....

The first time they said I was suicidal
Pinned a key on a kids head
Wasn't scared of the pain caused,
The blood shed reminded of how suicidal I was
Second after my own suicide  thoughts

The first time they said  I was suicidal....
Wasn't that big of word
Wasn't that small of expression
Took the blame
What if I cut my ankle twice just to see red?
What if the smile means keep off?
What if I was really suicidal?

The first time I was suicidal....
I wasn't suicidal
If we could find the 'blame'
Only if we could, then anger would it be?

@taytay